Fearfully. Wonderfully.

fill in the blank

2012-02-08T06:31:00.001-06:00

You know what I love about the story of Peter in the Bible? He was pretty jacked up at times with his doubting, denial and that whole chopping the ear off thing. BUT he was STILL a disciple of Jesus! The life of Peter should spell out HOPE for our own lives, right?

I was reading the walking on water story this morning, and realized that story is so applicable... all we have to do is fill in our own blanks. Because, honestly - the ending is the same. :)

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:27-32

What would it look like if we filled in our own story?? What is your story???

Then _______________ got down out of the boat, _________ _____ _________ and came toward Jesus. But when (s)he saw __________ ____________, (s)he was afraid and... cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his(her) hand and caught _______________. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Then...the wind died down. Those who {were around}, said, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Isn't the ending always the same - whether we doubt or not? So why do we doubt? Shouldn't the story of our life be written in such a way that at the end people can say: "Truly He is the Son of God."?

Faith - it's so hard, yet so easy.

"I am above all things: your problems, your pain, and the swirling events in this ever-changing world. When you behold My Face, you rise above circumstances and rest with Me in heavenly realms... When you feel yourself sinking in the sea of circustances, say 'Help me, Jesus!' and I will draw you back to Me... I know your weakness, and I will meet you in that very place." - Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)

if you've ever lost a baby

2012-02-06T22:22:00.000-06:00

then you know that in the moment its so very tough. You also know that the moments that come months later are even tougher. You know that it sucks the most to feel like you are left to deal with it alone.

But,

if you've ever lost a baby(ies), then you should read this blog post right here:

When you Lose a Baby

You should read it, because - even in the harsh reality of the words, I just wanted to reach out and hug the author and thank her for penning the words that most find it impossible to even verbalize.

Friend, if you've ever lost a baby, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Be blessed.

worth the lesson learned

2012-02-06T06:33:00.000-06:00

What if a lesson can only be learned through a hardship? What if He really is wanting to refine us through the fire?

Can we learn to embrace it for the lesson learned? is it worth it?

At least we have a place to go in the mean time.

a renewed mind

2012-02-02T06:02:00.000-06:00

today's excerpt from 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young:

“I am renewing your mind. When your thoughts flow freely, they tend to move toward problems. Your focus gets snagged on a given problem, circling round and round it in attempts to gain mastery. Your energy is drained away from other matters through this negative focus. Worst of all, you lose sight of Me.

A renewed mind is Presence-Focused. Train your mind to seek Me in every Moment, every situation. Sometimes you can find Me in your surroundings: a lilting birdsong, a loved one’s smile, golden sunlight. At other times, you must draw inward to find Me. I am always present in your spirit. Seek My Face, speak to Me, and I will light up your mind.”

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:4

Be blessed today.

Isaak's hit single

2012-01-29T16:22:00.002-06:00

If you follow me on facebook or twitter then you can just move along :) because you are probably tired of seeing this, but I thought I'd share it for the rest of my blog readers!

This is what happens at our house if I leave my hubby and kiddo alone for too long. They recorded Isaak's first hit single. :) It's basically a fabulous song listing most of Isaak's favorite things, with some auto tune added in. T-pain would be proud.

Here are the lyrics if you want to sing along:

"airplanes, airplanes, woah-dee-oh, dinosaur,flashlight-flashlight-flashlight….and star, hee,hee,hee, dinosaur, bad,bad wolf, movie, diego, diego, diego…etc.. dora, dora, dora, the end."

ENJOY.

Isaak's Hit Single - Airplanes, Dinosaurs & Diego from Amick Cutler on Vimeo.

why I write

2012-01-27T13:14:00.002-06:00

"We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full." -Marcel Roust

This quote sums up a large part of why I blog; why I write so candidly for the world to see. Not because I need the pity, or want everyone to know every detail of my hurts, but because - in the past I've refused to not express pain and hurt, and in the end it has only quenched the very living spirit God breathed in to me. I was not meant to be quiet and neither are you. I encourage you today to TELL your story... because, even if it doesn't look like it right now, there is a redemptive thread being woven through your circumstances. And I promise you, if you choose to acknowledge it - cling to it, and cling to the Hope of the One who created YOU... those redemptive threads will multiply into a woven masterpiece in a way that, when your final story is told, BEAUTY WILL shine through, HOPE WILL be defined, and GLORY WILL go to the One who deserves it.

...They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. Revelation 12:11a

Be blessed my friends.

Nothing is wasted

2012-01-13T09:12:00.002-06:00

For all the joy I felt as I opened Christmas gifts and watched the face of my three year old open his, none was quite as comforting as the gift of song handed over from a soul prayed hard. ...handed over in hopes that it would remind my heart that NOTHING IS WASTED.

It can be tempting to take our troubles, hardships and ruined places and want to trash them, put them away and cover them up in hopes that better things will come. But what if our pain doesn't define our story's end? What if we allowed our losses to be placed in the hands of the True Wound Healer to become a hope instead? What if NOTHING really is wasted?

I pray this song blesses you and re-ignites the hope candle burned out as it did for me when the song was placed in my hands.

Be blessed.

"Nothing is Wasted"
-Jason Gray

The hurt that broke your heart and left you trembling in the dark feeling lost and alone will tell you hope’s a lie... But what if every tear you cry will seed the ground where joy will grow? Nothing is wasted, Nothing is wasted, in the hands of our Redeemer, nothing is wasted.

It’s from the deepest wounds that beauty finds a place to bloom, and you will see before the end... that every broken piece is gathered in the heart of Jesus, and what’s lost will be found again. And nothing is wasted, nothing is wasted, in the hands of our Redeemer nothing is wasted.

From the ruins, From the ashes, Beauty will rise!
From the wreckage, From the darkness, Glory will shine!

80/20 rule

2012-01-09T15:45:00.000-06:00

A friend and I were discussing this concept earlier, and I think there is a lot of truth behind it.

{How do we find a way to remain genuinely thankful for what we DO have instead of consistently focusing on what we don't?}

any thoughts...

Homemade {Crockpot} Marinara Sauce

2012-01-05T09:15:00.010-06:00

Is spaghetti a staple dish in your home too? If you’re anything like us, a quick dinner involves a jar of pasta sauce and whatever meat and pasta we can match with it. Well, it also happens that I love Italian restaurants because of ‘homemade’ sauce flavor. A good marinara sauce will comfort me just fine!

Well, I came across a recipe the other day that was wonderful in several ways:

1. It allowed me to make homemade tomato sauce at home.
2. It cost 60-70% less than store bought sauce in a jar.
3. It is delicious, just ask my hubby!
4. It can be made in bulk to freeze for future meals.
5. Best of all it’s a crockpot (slow cooker) recipe, so you just combine ingredients and go.

So… I urge you to give this a try if you want to stock up on sauce for dinner ideas, to save some money - and well, to make your house smell good, because mmmmm it sho does smell good! Recipe from Budget Bytes.

*I recommend doubling this recipe and you will end up with approx 5 jars of homemade marinara sauce. One to eat right away, and 4 to freeze for later.

And get this: If you can get the canned tomatoes on a BOGO deal, and you already have the spices, you can make this entire recipe (doubled) for about $5.00. Do the math and that’s about $1.00 for a jar of sauce. Can’t beat that. Especially since it's homemade.

Let me know what you think!

Crockpot Marinara

Ingredients:

2 (28 oz) cans crushed tomatoes

1 (6 oz) can tomato paste

1 med sweet onion

½ T minced garlic

2 whole bay leaves

1 T dried basil

½ T dried oregano

1 T brown sugar

1 T balsamic vinegar

Salt and pepper to taste

Dice the onion, and place in the slow cooker.

Add minced garlic.

Then add, tomatoes, tomato paste, brown sugar, vinegar, bay leaves, basil, oregano, and pepper. (if you're wondering what that white thing is, I had to put my bay leaves in cheesecloth because mine were crushed not whole)

* I added 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper for some added flavor, but that's optional.
*If you are adventurous feel free to add extra ingredients that you like: sliced mushrooms, bell peppers, Italian sausage, etc...

Stir well to combine. If your crock pot has a tendency to dry things out, add in ½ c water. Put on the lid and cook on low for 6-8 hours. After cooking time, stir the sauce and season with salt (approx 1 teaspoon)

*My crock pot is struggling and has a tendency to burn things on the side, so mine only cooked for about 4 hours. Just keep an eye on it if you can. The longer it cooks the better the flavors will blend!

Serve however you’d like and freeze the leftovers.

*Hubby loves marinara over penne, so that's what we did, and I added in some roasted squash!

YUM!!!!!
Recipe to print:

Crockpot Marinara
Ingredients:2 (28 oz) cans crushed tomatoes
1 (6 oz) can tomato paste
1 med sweet onion
½ T minced garlic
2 whole bay leaves
1 T dried basil
½ T dried oregano
1 T brown sugar
1 T balsamic vinegar
Salt and pepper to taste

Dice the onion, and place in the slow cooker. Add minced garlic. Then add, tomatoes, tomato paste, brown sugar, vinegar, bay leaves, basil, oregano, and pepper. Stir well to combine. If your crock pot has a tendency to dry things out, add in ½ c water. Put on the lid and cook on low for 6-8 hours. After cooking time, stir the sauce and season with salt (approx 1 teaspoon)

Serve however you’d like and freeze the leftovers.

beauty of imperfection

2012-01-04T14:59:00.002-06:00

So, I'm not exactly sure that this is the most excellent way to start of my 2012 posting, but I guess I gots something to say (Yes, I said 'gots').

As a woman, I cringe sometimes when my hubby says, "babe, It doesn't really matter to me what other people think." I cringe, not because that's a bad thing but because it's true, it really doesn't bother him, and some days I wish I could say that as well. But I can't. Well I could, but it'd be a lie. At the fiber of my female being, I genuinely care about what other people think... sometimes to a fault. But it gets old, and as I build upon a foundation of 'needing approval' it affects areas of my life in a negative way. If I were to make a new years resolution, it would be along those lines... but I'm not quite ready to resolute to anything. sigh.

However, I've noticed this approval addiction/false advertisement/comparison mentality explode over the last few years with the expansion of social media. Hey, I've noticed it in myself. But in the land of facebook, twitter, pinterest, blogging etc do we paint a picture of ourselves as we really are or as we want people to 'think' we are? There's a lot to that, and a lot that I've been thinking about lately.

I can remember during the first year of Isaak's life I was nearly eaten alive by the comparison or as another fellow blogger called it 'mom'petitions. I found I was forcing myself to do things for the sake of a 'milestone' in WTE or because a lousy post of another mom 6 states away said to. I'd like to go back and punch myself for it - but I can't, I just remind myself that I learned A LOT! When I dream of having another baby, I'm not gonna lie, I'd really like the opportunity to do that first year over again and do what I do best with what I know now.

So how do we strive to be the best while remaining genuine at heart?

How do we enjoy the fantastic moments in life without painting a picture that life is ALWAYS just that?

How do we celebrate the beautiful traditions of other women even if they are the polar opposite of ours?

How do we stay true to our own convictions without pushing them on other people?

...I don't quite know, but they are all questions I'm asking.

I suppose finding the 'freedom to embrace weakness' is a good start ('FEW' strategy I'd like to call it). For example, have you ever been in a conversation with women where everyone just bounces off a daily struggle or rough patch, and the more and more that comes out the more comfortable you become? It's beautiful. Not because I like to relish in negativity, but because there is freedom in realness, freedom in acknowledging that we're not perfect, freedom in finding the beauty in our imperfections.

There is freedom in the dusty baseboards, no-make-up-days, coffee re-heated for the third time, 2 year olds with a paci, cartoons left on for the grouchy days, closets that barely shut for all the junk inside, hair not washed for 3 days, admitting I went to bed mad, running the washer three times for the same load forgotten, can't complete a DIY project to save my life, black stretchy pants worn to avoid admitting the 10 pounds gained, real-life-not-ashamed-not-perfect-barely-hanging-on moments that happen whether we like it or not.

I saw this picture the other day on pinterest (go figure) and it sums up my post perfectly.

If I were that cat, I'd like to say: hey I ain't no size 4 anymore but I can keep you warm at night!!!!

Have you ever struggled with approval addiction or admitting weaknesses? What is your 'dusty baseboard'? I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'll show you my dusty baseboards if you show me yours! :)

be blessed.

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T23:21:00.001-06:00

I had wanted to take a little blog snooze during the holidays but it was lengthened even more by the fact that I've been sick during the entire holiday. Some sort of bronchitis junk took over my body, and I've been miserable. There were a lot of little things I didn't get to do or enjoy because I felt horrible, but... I spent time with family nonetheless and that's enough for me.

I'm still having a hard time believing that a new year is here. 2011 was quite a year for me, and while I'm not huge on setting new years resolutions I am certain that I need to change some things so that I can go into 2012 and really make the most of it. I'll try to blog it out over the next few days but I can't make any promises. I personally am happy to say goodbye to 2011 and anticipate greater things next year.

I wish you ALL the happiest new year and pray that we can all somehow be reminded of how fast time really does go by and in our own little worlds find a way to cherish the sweet moments more while pushing away the frustrating ones. I'm certain that remaining constantly grateful is the key to unlocking genuine joy!

So I leave you with some snapshots of the sweetest parts of my 2011, moments and faces and smiles that carried me through even the toughest days.

Be blessed & Happy New Year!

We have a winner!

2011-12-21T17:44:00.000-06:00

Thanks again to random.org and to everyone who entered. The winner of the DD gift card & the coffee mug is......

Brandy B. 

(@myliveandnat)

Congrats, Brandy, I'll be emailing you shortly.

One giveaway left...check back on Friday for details!!! :)

Be blessed.

In this place...

2011-12-20T10:22:00.003-06:00

I sat on my couch with legs-crossed, blanket around me and I watched a conversation turn in the midst of friends. A light conversation turned deep, and tears fell and hearts poured out, protected places were revealed and a risk was taken. Is there really a hope there when we start addressing what is real and not what we ‘want’ to be real? Can we really break chains when we link arms and realize that my tears are different than your tears, BUT they are the same tears and you DO NOT have to tread this alone? In exposing the real and shelving the facades can we really move mountains?

What if we were NEVER supposed to do this alone?

"In this place we kneel down beside you, in this place we reach out our hands, in this place… we can see the pain in your eyes, and we offer you a promise, a friendship... In the places of sisters and sinners and souls-made-saints, we make safe circles around women and together we watch each other’s backs, and together we bend down when one hunches over in pain. And together we pick up the shards of the hearts all shattered, the Jesus-women making this healing mosaic of grace… " –Ann Voskamp

Be blessed.

Giveaway #3: one of my favorite things

2011-12-15T19:27:00.000-06:00

It's almost Christmas... I can't believe it. I'm just gonna say it, my giveaway is slightly self-indulgent, ok... completely self-indulgent! I highly encourage you to enter this week for your own self-indulgent reasons! ;)

If you know me, then you know that I love LOVE LOVE Dunkin Donuts. And my world changed over two years ago when they re-opened one in Pensacola! So, I'm sharing the love this week with one lucky reader.

This week I'll be giving away a $15.00 gift card to Dunkin Donuts. BAM! Merry Christmas!

...as well as this adorable mug to go along with any coffee you may or may not purchase.

The scripture on the mug is: John 10:10, I have come that they might have Life, and have it to the full.

HERE'S HOW TO ENTER (up to 2 entries per person):

1. Leave a comment on this post listing the one self-indulgent treat that you can't pass up.

2. 'Like' my new facebook page for this blog by clicking HERE or by clicking 'like' on the facebook tab over to the right. (Leave a comment telling me you did)

3. If you have already 'liked' my facebook page and would like an extra entry, then go to my facebook page HERE and 'share' the link from this giveaway post. (Leave a comment telling me you did)

This giveaway will end on Tuesday, December 20th at midnight, and the randomly selected winner will be announced on Wednesday, December 21st.

Be blessed.

Giveaway Winner

2011-12-13T20:47:00.000-06:00

and the winner of the gift tags from Mission Type Co. is......

{ KELLI }

Kelli, message me your address and we'll get them out to you ASAP.

We had over 30 entries, thank you to everyone who entered!

...And keep showing the love to Mission Type Co.!

Creamy Corn Chowder {with a kick}

2011-12-13T07:52:00.000-06:00

Before I share a recipe, I always feel the need to explain why I even wanted to make it in the first place. So bear with me. Last weekend Amick and I celebrated our anniversary (6 years people!!!) and we went out to enjoy a nice dinner kid free. It was delightful. Anyway, instead of ordering an appetizer we each decided to order a cup of soup. I chose corn chowder... a soup I haven't add or even enjoyed in a long time. I don't know if I was really hungry or what..but it was DELICIOUS; and I've had it on my mind ever since.

Today I gave in and embarked on my recipe search. I ended up at one of my most trustworthy sources for recipes... none other than the Pioneer Woman. So before I take ANY credit for this recipe, please know that all credit is due to her amazing skills and recipe compilations. She hasn't let me down yet. I'll share her recipe here with a link back to her blog. I changed the recipe a bit and snapped a few iphone photos so just keep scrolling for that.

This soup has some spice to it, but let me tell you it was soooooo good. Perfect for a chilly night and would be great with some grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh, and it only took me about 35 minutes start to finish! Take that Rachael Ray.

ENJOY!!!!

CREAMY CORN CHOWDER *with a little kick*

Ingredients:
4oz of bacon cut into little pieces (approx 1/3 package of bacon)
3 T butter
1 medium sweet onion
4 c. frozen yellow corn (or freshly sliced off the cob)
2 Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (dice finely)
1 small can diced green chiles (4 oz)
4 c chicken broth
1.5 cups heavy cream
1/2 t. salt (or more if needed)
3 T corn meal
1/4 c water

Start by cooking bacon pieces in a pot or dutch oven over medium heat. After a couple of minutes add in the diced onion. Cook for about 5 more minutes, and then add the butter. Once the butter is completely melted, add in the corn. Stir and cook for another couple minutes (if using frozen corn, cook for a little longer to take the chill of the kernals). Stir in the green chiles and diced chipotle peppers.

Pour in the chicken broth and heavy cream and stir well.

Add the salt.

Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to low.

In a separate small bowl combine the cornmeal with the water.

Stir to combine well and then pour into the chowder (this will act as a thickening agent).

Cook for 15-20 minutes over low heat. If you like thicker chowder add some more of the cornmeal/water mixture. {If you're like me and like to add cheese to everything...you can add in about 3/4 c sharp cheddar cheese and let it melt!!}

Serve in a bread bowl or with some oyster crackers or just eat it by itself in all its goodness (that's what I did)!

YUMMMM.

Here is the complete recipe for printing without photos:

CREAMY CORN CHOWDER *with a little kick*

Ingredients:
4oz of bacon cut into little pieces (approx 1/3 package of bacon)
3 T butter
1 medium sweet onion
4 c. frozen yellow corn (or freshly sliced off the cob)
2 Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (dice finely)
1 small can diced green chiles (4 oz)
4 c chicken broth
1.5 cups heavy cream
1/2 t. salt (or more if needed)
3 T corn meal
1/4 c water

Pour in the chicken broth and heavy cream and stir well. Add the salt. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to low. In a separate small bowl combine the cornmeal with the water. Stir to combine well and then pour into the chowder (this will act as a thickening agent).

Serve in a bread bowl or with some oyster crackers or just eat it by itself in all its goodness (that's what I did)!

Quote of the day

2011-12-12T09:51:00.000-06:00

"When hearts are fragile, that’s when they may {MUST} be most faith-filled — believing in miracles before life makes sense.

Believing in the miraculous coming – so there is real living in the moment now.

Believing in a God bigger than the burdens.

Believing — so there is living.

This is how the fragile are made strong."

-Ann Voskamp

when it's ok not to make the fastest time

2011-12-10T22:12:00.000-06:00

I'd venture to say it's NOT always best to pursue the fastest, easiest, least expensive way from point A to point B. I was pleasantly reminded of that over the past few days, but let me explain myself. My brother (whom I'm so stinkin proud of I could cry) graduated yesterday with his Doctorate in physical therapy. And our family made the trip to go see the ceremony.

You see, my mom and I started discussing our plans to make this trip months ago. A plan would come to the surface and then fade away. This happened a few times until a couple weeks ago we came to a quite odd-yet-beautiful solution. Fore-go the super economical choice, skip over the fastest option, don't worry about the 'rides like a cadillac' feel... and just pile into a motor home, all of us, and mozy along to St. Augustine.

It took quite a bit more time, cost twice as much and we all might have gotten an extra wrinkle or two, but let me tell you something my mom said to me: "Christy, you can't get these times back!"

Oh how right she is! Our 55 mph adventure to and from St. Augustine was filled with 2 & 3 year old laughs/cries/conversations, the warmth of time spent with a Grammie & Pops, tummy's filled with all the junk food convenience stores can hold and subtle snore from a boxer named Freckles. We watched these sweet kiddos laugh as they stuffed their faces with shoe-string potatoes and capri suns.

We grunted and nudged as we all attempted to squeeze into a sleep spot as the RV rolled along the highway at one o'clock in the morning. Yet, our minds traveled to a place of thanks for the ability to travel, for health, for the opportunity to be together as family, to celebrate each others' mile-stones because THAT'S WHAT FAMILY DOES.

And the bumpy-yet-cozy ride there and back was enough to ingrain my momma's words on my heart:

"YOU CANNOT GET THESE TIMES BACK"

At one point we drove over a river, and I shouted to Isaak: "Isaak look... a river!!!" He looked at me, straight-faced as can be and quickly corrected me: "No mommy, that's the Seven Seas." After I finished laughing, I had to wonder... how did my son just get big enough to even come up with something like that?

...and how can I stop these moments from passing me by so quickly?

I don't ever want to forget the sticky lollipop faces,

the tight held squeeze after a head hits the ground hard,

the cousins laughing one minute and fighting the next,

the look in my son's eyes as he looks at his Grammie & Pops with the same heroic awe that I looked at my grandparents with.

Can we not freeze this time?

NO.... and it only goes by faster.

So my solution takes me back to the first line of this post. {It's not always best to pursue the fastest, easiest, least expensive way from point A to point B.}

Because in the fastest, easiest, cheapest... do we lose the dearest, most cherished, truly grandest moments of all? ...the ones that are perhaps created in the taking-of-our-time, in the not-pinching-the-pennies, in the more complex paths of life?

I MUST learn to recognize those times for exactly what they are, or I risk losing a WHOLE lot more.

Be blessed.

Giveaway #2: gift-tags from Mission Type Co.

2011-12-08T13:36:00.001-06:00

It's time for week 2 of my "Christmas is the time to give-away" series. This week I will be giving away something to help you in the tedious task of gift-wrapping. But... there is such a neat company behind this give-away, so keep reading, and don't forget to enter!! This week, Dana from Mission Type Co. would like to help you wrap your presents with a personal touch by offering one lucky reader 20 of her handmade gift-tags.

Each tag is punched from high quality paper with a beautiful hand-drawn unique design.

What a way to give your gifts a special handmade from the heart touch!

Some things you might want to know about Mission Type Co:

Mission Type Co. was born from Dana's love for art and design coupled with her desire to use her gifts to glorify God.
Everything in her shop is hand-drawn. The types are designed by Dana and the only photo-shopping that takes place is the coloring of her designs. She specializes in hand-drawn stationery, fonts and designs.
15% of proceeds from Mission Type Co. are given back in the form of donations to non-profit organizations that sponsor mission work. {HOW COOL IS THAT???}

So... now for the fun part.

HOW TO ENTER:

(up to (3) entries per person.)

1. Look through the Mission Type Co. website OR etsy shop and leave a comment telling me which item you like the best from the portfolio.

2. Head over to Mission Type Co.'s facebook page and 'like' the page. Leave a comment telling me you did.

3. Tweet about this giveaway by pasting the following in your timeline: "Want a chance to win 20 hand-made gift tags from Mission Type Co.? Click here to enter: http://bit.ly/vp1YRC @christyacutler"

Giveaway open to all readers.
Must be a follower of this blog to enter.
Giveaway will end at midnight on Monday, December 12th.
Winner be selected via Random.org.

A re-post: All the minutes in the world

2011-12-07T06:28:00.009-06:00

Sometimes old words written are worth reading again. I read one of my old posts last night, and now, 2 years later it hit me again so hard. What a beautiful reminder...

[All the minutes in the world] posted on 9/11/09

"just 5 more minutes"... I think to myself as I hear my son through the baby monitor at 5:30am. He has discovered that he can now stand up on his own, and so now every moment that he's awake...that's what he has to do. When his little eyes first open in the morning, he quickly stands up, grabs a hold of the crib and makes any noise possible to get me in there. 5:30am people, that's stinkin' early.

"just 5 more minutes"... I mutter to myself as I try to scan over the last few emails in my inbox. I know that I can get about 15 minutes in if I put Isaak in the jumparoo and turn on Baby Einstein. He is in love with the puppets and they seem to capture his attention, only until he realizes that there's a ball in the other corner with his name on it. That's when the screaming starts. 'Come on sweetie ... just hold on for another minute, and I'll put the computer down.'

"just 5 more minutes"... i say it again, as we round the last 2 rows in Target.

diapers (check!)
wipes (check!)
new sleepers that actually fit (check!)
formula (check!)
desitin - the kind that actually comes out of the tube (check!)
puffs - only the banana kind (check!).
New mascara for mommy... (not happening) b/c we've now passed the threshhold of contentment in the red shopping cart. To the car we go, and maybe we'll hit the cosmetic isle and the clearance rack another day.

This morning as I heard little baby Isaak mumbles travel through the monitor into my ear at an all-too-early 5:30 am. I grunted, and made my way to his room. Before I had time to mutter: "just 5 more minutes", I was greeted by a grin so big there are no words to describe. He let go of the crib to reach for me and then realized that he was standing on his own. Fear came over him for a brief moment but before he could cry I had already grabbed him up. I felt little hands go around my neck, and his feet started kicking in excitement as he realized it was breakfast time. I set him in his high chair and gave him his morning toast, and I sat on the couch for a minute to finish waking up.

I thought to myself about how many times I've repeated in my head something about just having a few more minutes for me. And then I realized… I've had it all wrong! It's not about that. It’s not about me.

It’s about the fact that I have been chosen, hand-picked, honored to be a mommy to the most beautiful boy in the world. A boy who demands so much yet gives me so much in return.

The other night, we got ready for bathtime. I’m pretty sure he could feel my anxiousness as I set him in the tub. He probably knew that this was going to be a quick one. Hurry up. Wash hair, wash face, clean behind ears, clean the booty…a final rinse and we’re done. Then I noticed him as he pushed my arm out of the way to reach for his rubber duck with the police outfit on, that one is his favorite. He looked at me as if to say. “Hold on, mom, I want to play!” Straight in the mouth it went. He looked over at me and grinned. I took a minute and relaxed. I let my mind wander for a minute to what my life would be like if Isaak was taken from us. The most devastating, horrible thoughts filled my mind. I looked back at him and thanked God for my little miracle, and we played and played until his wrinkly water soaked fingers couldn’t play anymore. I put his jammies on and whispered in his ear:

“You can have all the minutes in the world!”

Oh that I never forget what a miracle you are Isaak. You are my world. I could not ask for anything more.

Giveaway Winners!!!!

2011-12-06T11:18:00.000-06:00

Wow. We had over 50 entries for the giveaway. Thank you to everyone who entered, for your sweet comments and for taking the time to ‘like’ the new facebook page for my blog. I determined the giveaway winner this morning through a random number generator, to ensure complete fairness. So out of all the entries submitted, the winner is:

Liz N.

And then I got to thinking… this really is such a fabulous book, and it’s Christmas time... the time to really give, and we had over 50 entries - so I decided to giveaway another copy. =) I had to. So I went back to the random number generator, and the 2nd winner is:

Hannah L.

I will contact both winners by email.
Thank you again, and if you didn’t win…. Take my word on this one, GO BUY THE BOOK. =) it will be worth it.
Oh, and check back in a couple days for week 2 of my Christmas giveaways! YAY!!!!

Be blessed.

Last day to enter giveaway

2011-12-05T09:12:00.000-06:00

If you haven't entered the giveaway for a chance to win copy of 'One Thousand Gifts', today is the last day!

For instructions on how to enter click HERE

Remember, even if you already have the book, you can still enter the giveaway... this book makes a great gift.

Be blessed.

Giveaway: One Thousand Gifts

2011-12-01T07:00:00.008-06:00

What better way to start off the month of December than by announcing my first Christmas giveaway. One of my readers will be able to win a copy of Ann Voskamp's book: One Thousand Gifts. If you’ve been reading my blog recently then you know that I’ve been slowly-but-surely making my way through the book. Some of you may have already read it, some of you have no idea what I’m talking about, and some of you have heard about it and have been waiting to carve out some time to get it and read it.

Well let me say this, this post applies to all of you. :)

It’s hard for me to accurately describe this book because it full of so much. The way that it is written speaks to me in so many ways. I started reading it following our most recent miscarriage (after a handful of people told me it was a MUST read). It has wrecked me, and has taught me things about thankfulness that I have never considered... things that have changed my way of thinking, and I believe that if ANYONE will apply the truths that Ann whole-heartedly pours out in this book, they will see themselves slowly lifted from whatever pit of despair life has thrown their way. I still haven’t been able to get past chapter 8 because I keep re-reading it and grabbing something new.

It truly is a "dare to live fully right where you are".

All that to say, I can't wait to give this book away. Even if you have already read it, I encourage you to enter the giveaway anyway and think of someone to give it to. It makes a wonderful gift, and I even think it would fit perfectly inside of a stocking!

Before you submit entries, make sure you are a follower of my blog by clicking "Follow" or "join this site" over to the right. So, here's how you can enter... you can do one or all three (maximum of three entries per person)

1. Leave a comment on this post listing one "small every-day" thing you are thankful for.

2. 'Like' my new facebook page for this blog by clicking HERE or by clicking 'like' on the facebook tab over to the right.

3. Tweet about the giveaway by copy/pasting this text in your twitter feed: "Want to win a copy of Ann Voskamp's book: 'One Thousand Gifts'? Click here to enter: http://bit.ly/rMOHhr @christyacutler"

This giveaway will end on Monday, December 5th, at midnight, and the randomly selected winner will be announced on Tuesday, December 6th. *Make sure to enter your email address so I can get a hold of the winner!!

Be blessed.

Christmas is the time to give away...

2011-11-30T09:19:00.001-06:00

I cannot believe that tomorrow December will be here. I wouldn't have believed it except I walked outside to a crisp 38 degree morning! I love it. I'm not sure I'm ready or prepared, but I will embrace the holiday crazy joy anyway. We need some extra joy in our home.

And in order to celebrate Christmas here in festive blogging style, I’ve decided to do a few giveaways during the month of December. Check back tomorrow morning for details the first giveaway and how you can enter. You will have up to 3 chances to win, and entries will be accepted beginning Thursday, December 1st. Tis the season!!!!

Here are a couple giveaways that some other blogging friends are hosting... check them out too!

Win the new Chris Tomlin album

at A Steady Rain. (today is the last day to enter this one)

Win the book 'The Pleasures of Loving God'

at My Freshly Brewed Life (ends December 6)

Be blessed!!!

My ABC's of Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T14:04:00.001-06:00

“Giving thanks creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks – take the just ONE loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks – and He miraculously makes it more than enough.” -Ann Voskamp

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amick. The man God made just for me. The one who I couldn't do life without.

Bubby. also known as the three year old light of my life.

Crisp Air. The mornings with windows open and good hair days ahead.

Dunkin Donuts. Come on, did you expect the 'd' to go to anything else?

Energy. to brave each day.

French doors. to open wide.

Good Health. to live each day and feel good doing it.

Home. My place of rest. to take care of and invite people into.

iphone: Though I could live without it, it's the handiest thing I own. :)

Jesus. The sacrifice that saved my life.

King Size Beds. Because I was born a crazy sleeper and can sprawl out to my hearts content.

Love. to give and receive. and allow to change me from the inside out.

Mascara. trust me, you should be thankful you don't have to see me without it.

New friends and the refreshment they bring. and old friends too. :)

One Thousand Gifts. the book that God has used to teach me about true gratefulness.

Peppers. of all kinds - never ending - still growing in my garden.

Quiet. Peace and Quiet. even just for 5 minutes a day.

Running. the ability to be able to, and the healing it brings my soul.

Sleep. ahhh precious, marvelous, beautiful sleep.

Tree. Our Christmas tree that brings such coziness this time of year.

Unconditional Love. Period.

Vacuum lines. and how beautiful {and rare} they are.

~~Water~~ ...I mean diet coke. {Hey I had to}

XOXO's. mostly from my hubby and bubby.

Yellow Jewelry. to add a bit of sunshine to my navy blue days.

Zebra Print. because without it, my living-room would have no decoration.

Happy Thanksgiving. <3
Be blessed.

what to say

2011-11-23T09:00:00.002-06:00

Having walked a bumpy road over the past couple years, I've learned a lot. One specific thing I've learned is that, in the face of grief, the warmth of those that cared about us left such a mark on our hearts. I can still look back and see how we were literally carried through our third miscarriage simply by those who held our hands in so many different ways.

I say that to say this: I've also come to realize that knowing what to say or do for those who are grieving is difficult to say the least. I've been on both sides of it, and neither is easy. at all. So I thought I would just provide a simple list of things you can do or say if someone you know is grieving. I know that grief comes in so many forms, and obviously my list will be somewhat specific to loss/miscarriage, but I'm sure a lot of the tips can be used in a lot of different situations. Hope it helps.

Keep some thoughts and encouraging words tucked away for after the initial grief has set in. One thing that often happens is, a person is flooded with prayers, cards, flowers and warm thoughts in the first days/weeks following a traumatic event. While it is all appreciated, there is a sense of terrible loneliness that sinks in once most people resume their normal lives and they are only left with the pain. Make it a point to reach out a month or two after things die down.

Grief can cause a person to lose all sense of day to day priorities and responsibilities. While flowers are beautiful, sometimes meeting a practical need can be so filling. For example, it's easy to say "let me know if you need anything" but a lot of times a person grieving can't even figure out what a decent need would be, so be specific: "Can I pick your kids up from school?" "Can I bring your family dinner on Monday?" "Can I come over and just have some coffee with you?"

Make it a point to check in frequently via text, email, written card etc... BUT do it without expectation of a response. Each word of comfort and encouragement is well received even if a response isn't reciprocated.

If you honestly don't know what to say, be okay with that and don't force something just for the sake of it. "I'm sorry" can be just as meaningful of thousands of words. And simplicity combined with authenticity touches deeply. Some simple things you can say: "You are not alone, I am here." "I'm so sorry for what you are going through." "Do you want to talk about anything?" "Take all the time you need to grieve."

Send an anonymous remembrance gift or something applicable. After one of our miscarriages, I opened the door one day to a small bag on our porch with an angel figurine that said "remember". Tears fell, and I held it tightly and felt comforted. To this day I see it on my bookshelf and can "remember".

Think long and hard before saying anything like: "Have you considered counseling?" "I know exactly how you feel." "It will get better with time." "He/She is in a better place". "It just wasn't God's timing"

Plan an outing if he/she is up for it, and FOLLOW THROUGH. A little sunshine, coffee or pedicure can bring a smile that the person didn't think was possible.

If you have ever walked through a traumatic loss or event, what did others do for you that touched you the most?

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15

Be blessed.

If you need a reminder that miracles still happen...

2011-11-22T17:36:00.002-06:00

then you MUST read this blog post written by a close friend of mine...

{it's about her journey}

"He allowed me to feel that pain..He asked me to wait on Him, to trust, and to believe without seeing.. He stripped away the layers, and broke down a lot of walls. Then He rebuilt. He restored. He filled in the holes, and healed and mended. And I believe Him. He is good."

{it's about a miracle}

"If He had written it all out word for word, or if He had done everything that I was demanding, I can say with all honesty that I would not see it for the miracle that it is. I would not believe His word, or His power. "

{it's about a baby girl named Selah}

Click the link below:

A Selah Moment

Read it and you will be blessed.

roughin it

2011-11-18T17:31:00.001-06:00

What happens when this:

and this:

meets this:

and this:

????????????

hahaha.... I don't know, but if I'm nowhere to be found in 2 days, check here:

Really, though. Our first family camping trip is under way. Tent life, camp-fires, smores, dirt, and memories full speed ahead!!!

See you in a few days.

Be blessed.

whatcha think about this?!?

2011-11-14T22:23:00.007-06:00

I did it. Yep. I did.

half-marathon.

I woke up at 4:45 Sunday morning and thought to myself... "What in the world am I doing?!?" But I got up, got dressed, drank my coffee, pinned on my bib and said... "Here goes nothin'!". And then I ran 13.1 miles. I was very very slow, but let me tell you something, it was worth every step, and I finished, and I couldn't be happier. {Wearing my diet coke shirt helped some I just know it!} Setting a goal and achieving it...There's nothing like it!!!

As I crossed that finished line so many thoughts flooded my mind. Thoughts of how many times I almost quit because my training plan didn't plan out just like I'd hoped. Thoughts of how full I felt having accomplished this even if I was slow as a turtle. Thoughts of how important it is to have a good support system in life. {see next photo}

You see, I felt great during the first 11 miles of the run. It amazed me actually. But something happened after I passed the eleventh mile marker. My legs just gave up on me. My knees and shins ached in a way that's hard to explain and I just about wanted to sit down and give up. Then my brother and sister-in-law came up behind me and said "Keep going Christy, we're running the last two miles with you." If that doesn't preach, I don't know what does. So I kept going. and FINISHED!

As I put that medal around my neck. The thoughts kept coming. I may not be able lose that stinkin 10 pounds I've been whining about for 2 years now, but heck, I can run a half-marathon! I may not be able to run an 11 minute mile, but I can jog a pretty good looking 14 minute mile. I can do it 13.1 times!!!!! I may not be the best at some things, but I learned that I can set a goal for one thing and achieve it.

I think it was around mile 8. My ipod was playing a song that kept repeating "You never let me down". I let those words sink in and in a very 'Ann-Voskamp-kind-of-way' I felt God speak these words over me: "Hands full of purposeful thanks are hands never empty." So I spent the next couple miles verbally shouting all my thanks {on purpose}. Amazingly, the fullness came and poured into my empty places.

...And as my hands grasped that medal that I worked so hard for, it was another reminder to me... I have a choice! I can spend my days grieving the things that make my world seem small and dark or I can cling to the gratefulness in life so that my world shines bright. See, while I may never understand why my body can't hold onto a pregnancy, I can hold onto the blessings I DO have in my life - right here - right now! Secondary infertility may be the diagnosis dangling over my head, but I can tell you endless things that work just fine in my body and my legs ARE one of them. So, I'm using them and again I say: "Hands full of purposeful thanks are hands never empty!" Thank you mile 8 for that revelation.

Oh and the fabulous diet coke shirt, was a sweet gift from my hubby, only he knows my true love for the tasty drink. So it only made sense to wear it proudly! I think he got it from urban outfitters.

thirteen.point.one.

Be blessed.

for when there are no earthly words

2011-11-09T22:59:00.002-06:00

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. ~Proverbs 18:10~ Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. ~Zech. 9:12~ But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. ~Psalm 3:3~ So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I WILL see you again and you WILL rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. ~John 16:2~ There I will give her back her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. ~Hosea 2:15~ Take heart - I have overcome the world. ~John 16:33b~

Be blessed. 

A three year old

2011-11-04T08:00:00.006-05:00

I closed my eyes earlier and tried really hard to go back to this exact day 3 years ago. November 4, 2008.

I was in a hospital bed, induction under way, pitocin steadily dripping, and I was waiting - just waiting... for someone to tell me that I was dilated enough to start pushing. I had no idea what was about to happen once that final push brought the 6lb 14oz bundle of pink-skinned pure joy into this world. They didn't lay him immediately on my chest, in fact, the NICU staff was waiting to whisk him away because he'd passed his meconium while still in the womb. When they finally brought him to me, my world began to spin, because this life that they handed me encompassed all that I'd prepared for, so much of what I had prayed for, and his sweet little perfect face reminded me in an instant that he WAS worth every minute of the fight we'd fought up until this point. Almost 20 people waited anxiously outside of the hospital room for the signal that it was okay to come in and meet this little boy. He'd already captured their hearts - heck, he was already holding mine, and Amick and I were ruined for anything less - because that single moment wrecked everything we thought we knew about love.

What amazes me most as I sit here now, is that I love him even more now - and I didn't think that was physically possible. The reality is, I woke up this morning to a THREE YEAR OLD. {I put that in all caps hoping it would sink in a little more.} The bottles are packed away, the paci's are long gone, the white crib rail is a thing of the past, and it still seems surreal when I see 'fruit of the loom' and 'hanes' brand underwear in his laundry basket. I have a big boy...there's no more denying it.

Two short years ago we celebrated his first birthday and that sweet chubby boy couldn't even walk but he had such a blast smashing the reddest cake into every crevice on his face. What a joy he was.

One year ago, we welcomed all our friends and family into our home to celebrate his 2nd birthday and I could see it in his eyes as he started to understand that he IS kind of a big deal. I'd never seen him so happy to open his presents to find his very own Woody and Buzz.

...and now, in a few days our home will be filled again with those closest to us as we celebrate the third year of our sweet Isaak's life. He's been talking about it for days and for some reason he really thinks that spiderman is going to show up to his party riding a big truck. I can't break the news to him yet, because his imagination is one of the things I love most about him.

I thank God for him every day, and while my heart has felt immense pain with the loss of a lot, it is somehow quenched each day by a little voice asking me for more milk, a bear hug that only he can give, and the recalling of three years worth of memories that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Happy Birthday Isaak Leland Cutler!! You are a {my} miracle, a joy to everyone you meet, and I hope that you eat cupcakes today to your heart's content. You bless me sweet boy, you absolutely bless me.

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days,
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way.
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories...

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings.
-Mark Harris

Farther Along

2011-11-02T14:36:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago my sister-in-law sent me a link to a song. Mind you, this link came from a gal who has walked a road most only dream of as their biggest fear.  She's put one foot in front of the other over the past year to trample betrayal at it's best, and  though not easy, she conquers {day by day} what was meant to break her down.  And while - I tend to spend my days refusing to admit my world is bigger than the trials in my own two hands, she gently reminded me through the lyrics of this song that - even on my worst day I can roll the windows down, smile and cry at the same time and say out loud that "Farther along...we WILL understand why!"

If burdens keep piling, and you're running out of ideas on how to keep on smiling...maybe, just maybe listen you can listen to this song, 'put your own voice to the test' and let the music make you smile.

Farther Along 

Farther along we’ll know all about it 

Farther along we’ll understand why 

Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine 

We’ll understand this, all by and by 

Tempted and tried, I wondered why  

The good man died, the bad man thrives 

And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both 

We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes 

Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope 

In a house of mirrors full of smoke 

Confusing illusions I’ve seen 

Where did I go wrong, I sang along 

To every chorus of the song 

That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates 

Leading mice and men down to their fates 

But some will courageously escape 

The seductive voice with a heart of faith 

While walkin’ that line back home 

So much more to life than we’ve been told 

It’s full of beauty that will unfold  

And shine like you struck gold my wayward son 

That deadweight burden weighs a ton 

Go down into the river and let it run 

And wash away all the things you’ve done 

Forgiveness alright 

Chorus 

Still I get hard pressed on every side 

Between the rock and a compromise 

Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul 

And I’ve got no place left go 

Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown  

More glory than the world has known 

Keeps me ramblin’ on 

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall 

I’m free to love once and for all 

And even when I fall I’ll get back up 

For the joy that overflows my cup  

Heaven filled me with more than enough 

Broke down my levee and my bluff 

Let the flood wash me 

And one day when the sky rolls back on us 

Some rejoice and the others fuss 

Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess 

That the son of god is forever blessed 

His is the kingdom, we’re the guests 

So put your voice up to the test 

Sing Lord, come soon!

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bread

2011-10-26T20:44:00.002-05:00

Well...it's about time I got my booty on the pumpkin train. After all, it's almost November... and I've been slackin. Soooo, I searched long and hard for the perfect recipe to ring in the fall season in my house; and then it found me. So, I present to you my best cooking and photography attempts in making some delicious:

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Bread with a Cinnamon Glaze.

{Does that look good or what?}

~~~

Keep on reading for the recipe and photos.

~~~

For the cream cheese filling, you will need:

1 package cream cheese - softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 T all-purpose flour
1 large egg
1/2 t vanilla

For the bread you will need:

1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
2 t pumpkin pie spice
10 oz pumpkin puree
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts

For the glaze you will need:

1 cup powdered sugar
2.5 T half & half
1/4 t cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts for topping

Preheat the oven to 325. Grease and flour two loaf pans.

I used baker's joy, which is a baking spray and flour combined.

If you don't have that, I'd recommend Crisco and plain flour.

Prepare the cream cheese filling by combining cream cheese, sugar, flour, egg and vanilla.

Mix until creamy. Set aside.

Prepare the bread batter by mixing together the flour, baking soda, salt and pumpkin pie spice in a large bowl.

Mix so that all dry ingredients are well incorporated.

In a separate bowl combine the pumpkin puree, oil, eggs and sugar. Mix together until creamy.

Stir the pumpkin mixture with the flour mixture until just combined. If you want to add the nuts, fold them in gently.

(I added chopped walnuts to half the batter, so that I'd have one loaf with nuts and one without.)

Pour half of the batter evenly into the two prepared loaf pans.

Spoon the cream cheese mixture on top of the batter in each loaf pan.

Top with remaining pumpkin batter.

Take a knife and stick it through the top pumpkin layer and the middle cream cheese layer.

Swirl the knife threw the two layers to create a marble effect while baking.

Place the loaf pans in the oven and bake for 55 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Once you remove the bread from the oven, let the loaves cool in the pans for a few minutes before moving to a cooling rack. Allow the bread to cool completely.

While the bread is cooling, prepare the cinnamon glaze by combining the powdered sugar and half & half.

Blend well and then add the cinnamon.

Mix together until creamy.

Drizzle the glaze over the bread loaves and sprinkle on the nuts (optional) for a garnish. YUMMMM

Take a moment to admire the finished bread and all its pumpkin beauty.

Slice the bread if desired and admire it some more. :)

Then, do what I do best. EAT IT!!!! Enjoy every bite, and savor this season, because it's the best. Enjoy every minute of the cool crisp weather, the ferris wheels, the hayrides, fall scented candles, thankfulness and of course the pumpkin cream cheese bread - homemade in all its glory.

ENJOY!

Be blessed.

*I adapted this recipe from one found on about.com. I got the idea for the glaze from a cooking blog called Nancy Creative. *

half marathon training - update

2011-10-23T21:56:00.001-05:00

So....let me rewind about 2 weeks.

I woke up completely and utterly exhausted - annnnd sick. And by sick I mean a nasty head cold that made it's way through every part of my body and took every bit of 10 days to get rid of. I couldn't for the life of me muster up the energy to get out and run - so... I didn't. Pile on top of that just a whole bunch of crap. yep I said it...crap. I just felt strained in every way possible. Physically, relationally, emotionally and spiritually. So you know what I said???

"I QUIT!"

Yep, I threw my hands up, said screw the 100 miles I'd already run in training, and decided to forget it. ALL. I spent about 3 days wallowing around in the mess of self-pity that I'd created for myself. And then... earlier this week, a friend of mine mentioned how proud she was that I was pushing through this half-marathon training even with everything we had going on. Was I supposed to tell her that I'd given up? Nope.

Then something clicked.

I then proceeded to have a little conversation with myself. It went something like this:

"Life is hard, Christy... you know it is. You should be used to curve balls by now. And really, the easiest thing to do right now is quit. Quit everything. But in two months do you want to look back and know that you quit? I didn't think so. So get over yourself, get over the crap and keep going. You may not be able to do much about anything right now, but you've got two legs that work and a fully charged ipod, so go...run...run you're little heart out."

So there you have it.

I refused to quit.

So this past week, I just picked up where I left off in training and as of two hours ago, I'm back on track. I went out this evening right before the sun went down and ran, and ran, and ran. I ran through some pain, through some tears and had some more very needed conversations with myself. I enjoyed every minute of it, ran solid 12 minute miles and even finished 3 minutes under my goal time.

So yeah, I am still in this.

Be blessed.

Quote of the day

2011-10-20T10:40:00.000-05:00

"If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

- J.K. Rowling

Not alone

2011-10-19T15:12:00.001-05:00

Your heart is full of broken dreams. Just a fading memory. And everything's gone but the pain carries on. Lost in the rain again, When will it ever end? The arms of relief seem so out of reach... But, I am here. I am with you. I will carry you through it all. I won't leave you, I will catch you when you feel like letting go. Cause you're not alone. And I'll be your hope when you feel like its over. And I will pick you up when your whole world shatters. And when you're finally in my arms, Look up and see love has a face. I am with you. I will carry you through it all. {Lyrics from "Not Alone" by Red.}

Consider the rock

2011-10-16T14:34:00.003-05:00

Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance---all who seek the Lord! Consider the rock from which you were cut, the quarry from which you were mined. Yes, think about Abraham, your ancestor, and Sarah, who gave birth to your nation. Abraham was only one man when I called him. But when I blessed him, he became a great nation. The Lord will comfort Israel again and have pity on her ruins. Her desert will blossom like Eden, her barren wilderness like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found there. Songs of thanksgiving will fill the air. Isaiah 51:1-3

Thank you Blending Life Seamlessly for the reminder, I needed it more than you know!

Be blessed.

if you've got nothing left...

2011-10-14T16:57:00.001-05:00

'Be Still' by Storyside B

I remember all the times,
The good times and the bad...
I'm still holding on to You.

Some days I wanna run,
Sometimes I come undone,
But I still belong to You.

And that's how I know that...

When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing thin,
I just wanna give up,
And nothing seems at all to add up.

Can You hear me, Lord?
My face is down upon the floor.
It's then You whisper in my ear:
"Be still and know I'm here."

I see a side of You, my friend
Same struggles that I have
And my heart goes out to You.

I know it's hard to feel alone

In this world's so unforgiving,
I've been feeling that way too.

But I can tell You:

When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing thin
I just wanna give up, and nothing seems at all to add up

Can You hear me, Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
It's then You whisper in my ear:
"Be still and know I'm here."

Is that You?
Is this me?
It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone

It's not just You,
And not just me,
We all need to believe that we are not alone.

We are not alone.

Be still and know I'm here.

Be blessed.

opening the bottle

2011-10-11T10:49:00.003-05:00

I've re-constructed this same blogging position a lot over the past couple weeks - back slouched, coffee to the right, fingers at the keyboard, mind racing around that same ol' mountain - but I just end up hitting the backspace key and giving up, because my thoughts - feelings - words cannot keep up with life right now. So I shove it all back in. I tuck it all back in the place where it's safe, safe from the air grasping hold of what is truly at the heart of me. But pushing down, hiding, bottling up, whatever you want to call it never ends well for me. At least it hasn't yet.

October is usually a tough month for me when it comes to recalling memories. Around this time four years ago, I got the first taste of {MY hopes and dreams} being smashed in front of me. Little did I know that the sight of blood four years ago was only the first step I'd take in completely losing the innocent beautiful celebration of the beginning of life. I was six weeks pregnant and could not have been any more naive in my view of how things would play out. Four years later, and five times heart-broken, I can't help but wonder how the future chapters in this story will unfold.

Right now I feel like I am standing on the center piece of a carousel - still and un-moving - while it twirls around me in celebration and ups and downs. The carousel ride stops to let people off and more people get on and the ride starts again. But I'm still standing on the center piece watching life happen around me.

I still get up in the morning, and I really try most days to put a smile on face and own the days before me... because life is bigger and I do have {love} to live for - I am not denying the present blessings in front of me, especially the almost-three-year-old miracle that I have the joy to sing to sleep at night.... But, just as if a daughter were to lose a father, just because the mother is still there doesn't make the loss of the father go away. There is not a day that goes by that I don't affirm my gratefulness for the one pregnancy that did not end in heartbreak. But friend, I wish, I wish from the deepest part of me that it made the other heart-wrenching pain go away. I wish from the deepest places that my heart didn't break again every time I hear of another daughter losing life inside her womb. I wish that months later, years later I could say that the pain goes away. Yes, the sting is not as sharp, but sometimes I wonder if a dull ache is worse than a sharp pain, because in this world - we are taught to ignore the dull aches, we are taught to treat with acetaminophen and caffeine, until we are convinced that the dull ache is a part of life. It should not be a part of life, it's NOT what I want out of this life!

There are days that I wish I could run and not come back. Go to a new place. Start over. Leave the pain behind. Introduce myself to people as {me} and not {me + baggage}. Go to a place where eggshells aren't walked on around me. A place where judgments really are cast away, and where open arms welcome because they are genuine, not because pity over-shadows every other emotion. Oh to run, and keep on running.

Life is hard sometimes - there's no denying it. And lately, it's been harder than usual. There's just a hole inside that is defined by false hope, fear of the unknown, and a spirit broken by the sight of life-ending blood over and over again. It's hard for people to understand. Some may never understand. And that's okay too. I just keep holding on because that's all I know how to do.

I feel rather hopeless today. And while it might just be for today.... I didn't want to leave it bottled up, because - while I may have been destined to walk this road, I can't walk this road keeping it all inside. That's the worst way to do it.

So I will end this incredibly depressing post with an excerpt from a blog that I read. I pray that her words ring the bell of truth, because honestly, that's the only reason I still write on this blog. I continue to write here, because... I desperately want the pages of my story to prove that hope will rise - out of the waiting - out of the pain - hope can and will rise. And to prove that... {I AM NOT ALONE.}

"We are not on this earth to 'get by'. We are here to share our stories. To help one another. To love one another. God LOVES using us to love on one another. So whatever it is, don’t live aimlessly and get by in this life. There are too many hopeless people silently dying. Take whatever has been your story and make it the lifeline that reaches out to someone drowning it the same waters you have treaded in yourself. That’s when life goes from existing to living." -Life Lived Fully Blog

Be blessed.

half marathon training - I forgot what week I'm on

2011-10-05T17:11:00.000-05:00

Ok. So, a little training update. Somewhere between our Disney trip and now I've lost track of all organized training that I once had going on. That's okay though, I'm still moving forward.

A sneaky little cold decided to find it's way into my throat, sinuses and chest, but I refuse to go down with it. I've been on heavy doses of sudafed, emergen-c and zicam for 3 days straight. I'm not really 100% coherant, but I managed to squeeze in a 3 mile run yesterday which was amazing considering how I felt.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm behind on my training....probably by about 2 weeks. I should be a little scared, but honestly - I'm just doing what I can.

My current un-organized goal is to run 3 times each week with one run being a long run. I am still trying to fit in 2 cross-training days at the gym each week as well but that's hit or miss. And finally, as long as I can manage to run a 10 mile run a week before race-day I will be confident enough for the full 13.1. Right now, the most I've run is 6.5 miles... ahhhh I CAN DO THIS, RIGHT????

ok. enough fragmented thoughts. In other news... My 10 in 6 was a complete fail, but I'm still pursuing my 10 pound weight loss goal, and I've realized that for me.... slow and steady wins the race - in running and in weight loss. So here's the latest:

I started out at:

And currently, I'm at:

Not bad, ehh?
Baby steps, Christy.... baby steps. :)

Well, that's all I got for now!

Be blessed.

Patience in the Waiting Room

2011-10-03T12:20:00.001-05:00

"When many things seem to be going wrong, trust Me. When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank Me. These are supernatural responses, and they can lift you above your circumstances. If you do what comes naturally in the face of difficulties, you may fall prey to negativism. Even a few complaints can set you on a path that is a downward spiral, by darkening your perspective and mind-set. With this attitude controlling you, complaints flow more and more readily from your mouth. Each one moves you steadily down the slippery spiral. The lower you go, the faster you slide; but it is still possible to apply brakes. Cry out to Me in My Name! Affirm your trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. Thank Me for everything, though this seems unnatural - even irrational. Gradually you will begin to ascend, recovering your lost ground.

When you are back on ground level, you can face your circumstances from a humble perspective. if you choose supernatural responses this time - trusting and thanking Me - you will experience my unfathomable Peace.

- excerpt from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

"But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me." - Psalm 13:5 NLT

"Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father..." -Ephesians 5:20 MSG

Be blessed.

beautiful excuse

2011-09-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

really.... i have the best excuse for the lack of posting. He's the reason for my early mornings, mid-day coffee, toy covered living room and non-stop days. Thankfully, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm blessed.

some things in life ARE free.

2011-09-22T15:23:00.003-05:00

Ok, so... my birthday month isn't quite over, so I will be continuing the celebration for another 8 days. Yes, I'm that girl. This year was particularly fun in the way of free food. Why, you ask?

Well, I did some research (because I'm a crazy couponer and because I love eating out) and realized that there are a WHOLE bunch of restaurants that will give you free food just for having a birthday. NICE!

So I decided to share the birthday love with you... for when YOUR birthday rolls around! Here are a few disclaimers:

I cannot guarantee that these places will still offer the same thing in the months to come, all I know is I got free food a couple weeks ago.
I highly recommend using an alternate email address for these deals. I have my main email address, and a coupon email address that I don't mind sending spam to. When you start signing up for multiple coupons, the spam will start flowing in. So either use your alternate email, or if you don't have one go ahead and get one through yahoo or gmail. Easy as that.
Read the fine print on the deals and pay attention to expiration dates. You'll need to consume most of your free food within the first 10 days of your birthday. But that's ok, right... no one should have to watch what they eat during their birthday month. :)

Lots of places give out free desserts, but I'm only posting the best deals that I found, the ones that actually give away a free meal. So... here's my list. Enjoy.

Firehouse Subs: Show your ID on your birthday and get a free medium sub.

IHOP: Get a free meal for signing up AND on your birthday. Click HERE

Denny's: Get a free birthday grand slam when you sign up for Denny's rewards. Click HERE

Red Robin: Join e-club and get a free burger on your birthday. Click HERE

Carrabba's: Join their Amici Club and get a BOGO meal for your birthday, and a free appetizer for signing up. Click HERE

Ruby Tuesdays: Free burger on your birthday when you join the 'So Connected' e-mail list. Click HERE

Moe's Southwest Grill: Free meal for your birthday. Click HERE

Jersey Mike's: Get a free birthday sub and drink by signing up for their email club HERE

Waffle House: Get a free birthday waffle!!! Click HERE

Steak N Shake: Get a free double steakburger and fries for your birthday. Click HERE.

Zaxby's: Sign up and get a free meal deal, and a free nibbler for your birthday. Click HERE.

That's a lot of free food, huh! My hubby and I ate well for about 10 days. Not healthy, but well. :) We saved money by going to the restaurant, both drinking water, ordering an appetizer and then splitting the free meal. We left each restaurant spending less than $9 each time. :) Don't worry, we left great tips! The only places that made us use the coupon on my actual birthday were Denny's, Firehouse and Jersey Mike's. Everywhere else gave us a 10-14 day window to use them. Make sure you sign up a month or so before your birthday so you get all your coupons in time. Then check your email the week leading up to your birthday and you'll see all the freebies rolling in!

Happy Birthday to me, and Happy eating to you!

Be blessed.

Happiest place on earth.

2011-09-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

We are back. We had such a wonderful time, and I can 100% say it was worth every drop of sweat, every sore muscle and every penny spent. Seeing Isaak's face as he took it all in was truly priceless and we now have Disney memories for life. We have hundreds of photos, and to even narrow it down for this post was tough, so I just chose a handful - even though it barely skims the surface of the fun we had! We spent the first day at Hollywood Studios, day two at Animal Kingdom, day three at Epcot and the last day at Magic Kingdom. We are worn out - but like I said - it was worth it all!

Isaak meeting Woody and Buzz in real life.

on our wild safari.

the four boys. They had a blast together.

family shot at Hollywood studios.

Isaak with his pal Pluto.

Isaak and his girlfriend Minnie.

our stop in Mexico at Epcot.

Daddy's hat.

Mommy's hat.

group shot on our last day!

the infamous Magic Kingdom shot.

excited faces!

Isaak's thank you hug for taking him to Disney.

Isaak and Goofy after the pirates ride.


sad faces before we said goodbye.

We can't wait to do it again! If Isaak grows another inch and a half, he can ride all the rides. :)

Be blessed.

Quote of the day

2011-09-20T17:01:00.000-05:00

Vacation update coming soon! Promise. :)

But for now...

So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed,
you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
James 1:4

Be blessed.

why the silence

2011-09-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

Well, this here blog will be mighty quiet over the next week or so. And here is a hint as to why:

Yep! This crazy family of three is headed to Disney World. Wish us well, pray for us, and pray for tolerable temperatures and a well-tempered toddler! Regardless, there are lots of wonderful memories to be made!

Adios for now!

PS. I will ease your mind and just tell you that we don't really look like that. My hubby has too much fun with his design skills!!! :)

half marathon training - week 3

2011-09-07T08:12:00.000-05:00

Here's what's in store for my training this week:

Monday: ~~Nothing except celebrating my birthday!~~ DONE
Tuesday: ~~Mcguire's run - 3.2 mile run~~ DONE
Wednesday: gym for cross training
Thursday: 2.5 mile run
Friday: gym for cross training
Saturday: 5 mile run (long run)
Sunday: rest AND leave for Disney!

Last week was tough with training b/c of all the rain we had. I tried all day Saturday to get out and run, but the rain wouldn't let up for even a minute. Finally, before church on Sunday there was a break in the clouds. So I ventured out for my 4 mile run. I got 3.5 miles done and it started pouring. Needless to say the last half mile was - well - interesting.

I've decided to let up on my pace. I think I was so amazed with my change in pace that I was pushing myself too hard. I mean, for me, 10 minute miles are a little much. My goal pace for the half is anywhere between 12 and 13 minute miles. So I'm going to train at that pace so I don't get burnt out. After all, this is all so new to me - I don't really know much of anything at all. Just taking it day by day.

My knee is feeling a little better though, so that's good.

Well, that's all for now. More updates to come.

precious time

2011-09-06T16:17:00.003-05:00

If I need a gentle reminder of how fast time passes me by, all I need to do is look back at pictures of my son. These two pictures below really captured my heart this morning as I looked into the eyes of three precious kiddos who are stepping their brave little feet into the world of being a big kid - and slowly waving goodbye to the days of a being a baby.

Let me always remember how precious time really is, and how fast it really flies by. No more wishing the 'today's away.

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered - how fleeting my life {really} is. Psalm 39:4

Oh, the difference a year makes. See below. (Top: Benjamin, Jocelyn & Isaak. September 2010) (Bottom: Jocelyn, Benjamin & Isaak. September 2011)

Be blessed.

29 things for a 29 year old me

2011-09-05T09:08:00.001-05:00

Love never fails.
Being a mom has been one of the most amazing, hard, beautiful, stretching jobs of my life. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I've got one year left to get my act together, I'm abso-stinkin-lutely determined to make sure my 30's are better than my 20's.
I stood by my mom's hospital bed a couple years ago right before they wheeled her back for open heart surgery, and God whispered in my soul - Remember to never take these people for granted...the people you love (and who love you) the most.
Hand-written notes should never ever become outdated. ever.
Birthdays should always be special.
Maybe this year I will learn to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer in a timely manner, rather than running the washer for three cycles to make sure the clothes don't sour. yeah, I'm being real.
If I could go back and choose again, I'd still choose Amick Cutler!
I pray as I teach my son the lyrics to "You Never Let Go" ...that he whole-heartedly believes every word. Even more than his mommy does.
Has self-serve frozen yogurt taken over the world?
I refuse to believe the lie from Satan that I'm better off alone.
I will never apologize for my undying love for Dunkin Donuts.
I'll show '29' what's up by running a half-marathon in 2 months. and I'll do it running 12 minute miles too.
I wish that my dad lived in the same city as me.
Isaak talks about Disney World every day and how excited he is to see Diego. I don't have the heart to tell him that Diego won't be there.
Why do Dora and Diego yell every single line in their show. It makes it very difficult for me as a parent to tolerate.
My hair can be pulled back in a pony tail for the first time in 4 years. I forgot how wonderful it is. I may never cut it again.
I forgot what birthdays were like before facebook. :)
God is not finished with me yet.
I hope and pray and hope and pray that the year ahead is better than the last.
Breakfast is and always will be my favorite meal of the day.
I'm finally learning what it means to count my blessings. It doesn't just happen. You have to do it on purpose - each day - through the good and the bad.
Courage doesn't always roar.
I've never had a cavity. 29 years of no cavities. Let's keep that going.
God must laugh at our five year plans.
I love my tassimo. I really do, but I'm seriously considering buying a french press. Mostly because I think it's a really cool way to drink coffee.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I take baths not showers. Always have. always will... and that's just the way it is.
I am blessed. No matter which way I look at it... I am blessed.

Don't fret

2011-09-02T16:59:00.000-05:00

My own little reminder today.

Because I'm human.

Because if worry could be extracted in liquid form it'd be found in my bloodstream for sure.

Because of the heavy weight that has been sitting on my chest since I woke up this morning.

Because Satan wants me to believe that I'm supposed to feel this way.

God, give me peace. give me grace. in abundance today. Amen.

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:6-9

and just because I like to keep it real.

Free portrait session anyone?

2011-08-31T15:02:00.003-05:00

If you are a local reader and want the chance to win a free portrait session - keep reading! My hubby recently launched a new website, and to celebrate he's giving away a free portrait session. If you'd like to enter to win, just do this:

STEP 1: Go to Amick's design and photography facebook page and 'like' the page HERE.

STEP 2: Post a comment on the wall of his page after liking it.

All comments posted between today and Friday, September 2 will be entered to win the free portrait session. The winner will be announced on Monday, September 5.

If you need photos for your Christmas card... ENTER the contest.

If your kiddo needs an updated photo shoot... ENTER the contest.

If you need engagement pictures, maternity pictures, family photos or anything related... ENTER the contest.

Who knows, you might just win!

Be blessed.

Lyrical Tuesday

2011-08-30T17:29:00.000-05:00

Some lyrics need no introduction. Some songs are best said just by themselves. I could hear that I'm 'forgiven and loved' just about every day. :)

"Forgiven & Loved" -Jimmy Needham

Tell me I’m forgiven and loved.
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests
on how God is love and how man can be clean.
But my joy has been on holiday and my peace has almost passed away.
Tell me I’m forgiven and free.

O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation
But I bought the lie I still have work to do.
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation,
But there is no condemnation in You.

O whisper to me now that it’s for real.
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal.
Dirty deeds have done me in
O but that can’t stop the faithful Friend
Giving mercy once again as You heal.
Here it is I’m feeling it.

O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave.
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me!

Child, you’re forgiven and loved.
Child, you’re forgiven,
And child, you are loved.
Child, you’re forgiven and loved.

Be blessed.

half marathon training - week 2

2011-08-29T22:18:00.000-05:00

I'm currently in my 2nd week of training for this crazy long run I've committed to. I did a lot of research before starting this specific plan because I wanted to make sure I was able to fully commit to what was ahead of me. So I found a 12 week training schedule online for beginners and I combined it with an amazing spreadsheet that my friend and fellow half-marathon trainee sent me. It's very do-able and my long runs increase by a mile each week up until the race day. So here's what's in store for me this week:

Monday: ~~2 mile run~~ DONE!
Tuesday: rest
Wednesday: gym for cross training
Thursday: 3 mile run
Friday: gym for cross training
Saturday: 4 mile run (long run)
Sunday: rest or 2.5 recovery run (depending on how I feel :)

Tonight's run was good, I can't believe it but I've been running 10 minute miles. This is huge for me b/c when I trained for the 15k, I ran a steady 14 minute mile. Not sure what happened between then and now. Except that maybe I'm becoming super woman. not really. Anyway, for the time being I'm impressed with myself.

Only negative right now is that my right knee is giving me slight problems. It started with a dull soreness last week, but yesterday and today has been hurting worse. I hope that it goes away with more conditioning and doesn't cause any problems with training.

Well, enough technical info for now.

Has anyone out there actually run & completed a full marathon? How was it and would you do it again?

13.1

2011-08-28T21:36:00.002-05:00

Well, I did it. I made the decision. I committed to running a half marathon (13.1 miles). As of today I finished my first week of training. It was great, and I even ran the best run of my life the other day. I set a PR (personal record) for my mile, and physically felt great the entire time.

I'm genuinely excited, and it's weird because never ever ever in my entire life did I think that I'd actually enjoy running. But I do, err well, I'm getting there. It's better than therapy in my opinion. :) Which is good, because I could probably use some therapy right now.

So with that said, the race date is November 13, 2011. I've got about 11 weeks of training left to get ready. Feel free to cheer me on. I'll post updates occasionally and hope to train more consistently for this race than I did for the 15k race.

And you better believe that when my booty crosses that finish line, my silver sedan WILL BE sporting one of these stickers. I just gotta find the cutest one. And I may or may not be obsessive about it.

Oh and do you like the new blog design? I suppose that's an additional perk to being married to a graphic designer. ehh? Anyway, I love it... and once in awhile change is a good thing. :)

Be blessed.

Quote of the day

2011-08-24T10:07:00.001-05:00

"Today is new. Not better. Not improved. Not different. New.
God is not in the business of self improvement.
He’s in the business of new.
The old has gone, the new has come.
That’s who you are today in Christ. New!"

-Jon Acuff

Lyrical Tuesday

2011-08-23T07:00:00.007-05:00

I love Psalm 23, always have. And when I heard this song a few months ago, it really touched me. It's basically a lyrical version of the well-known Psalm, and I've had it at the top of my play list for awhile now. It's by Tricia Brock (lead singer of Superchick), she recently released a solo album and I think she did a wonderful job. I love the line: "You are the God who goes before me, My Rock and my Shield."

"You are My Shepherd"
-Tricia Brock

There is one thing I desire, one thing I seek.
To hide in You, abide in You. I'm Yours for You to keep.

You prepare a table for me.
You're my portion and my cup.
You are the source of strength.
Lord, You have filled me up.

You are my shepherd in the wilderness. Who shall I fear?
In troubled times You will provide, and I shall not want.
You are, You are my God.

Though I walk through the valley of death,
I will magnify and glorify You with every breath.
When the wicked stand against me, I will follow as You lead.
You are the truth and way, The lamp unto me feet.

So I'll be of good courage for You have overcome.
You will not forsake me so I wait upon You Lord.

You are, You are my God.

Be blessed.

Fake-Baked Ziti recipe

2011-08-22T19:40:00.006-05:00

Does this look amazing or what???

My awesome mother-in-law made this recipe a couple months ago and I knew I had to try it myself. It tasted great and I was amazed that it tasted so good considering it was only in the oven for about 8 minutes. It was creamy, full of flavor and only took me 35 minutes from start to finish. Sooooo, if you are a baked ziti lover like me, then this is a recipe you'll definitely want to keep! Enjoy.

Fake-Baked Ziti Recipe

Ingredients

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 jar marinara sauce (or any favorite sauce that you use)
1 (14-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
salt and/or sugar to taste (if you like a sweet sauce)
1 pound cooked ground beef or italian sausage (Optional)
1 pound ziti rigate with ridges (I used rigatoni because I really like the big noodles)
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
Freshly ground black pepper
2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup shredded asiago cheese
1/2 cup shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano
1 cup mozzarella cheese

Directions

Put pasta water on to boil.

In a medium sauce pot over medium heat, saute garlic in extra-virgin olive oil. Add marinara sauce and crushed tomatoes and salt and simmer 10 minutes, (If you want this dish to include meat, go ahead and add cooked grounded beef or Italian sausage and simmer 10 minutes more.)

Add salt and pasta to boiling water and cook 6-8 minutes, leaving pasta a little chewy.

While pasta cooks, melt butter in a small pot over medium heat. Whisk in flour, then cook 1 minute, adding salt and pepper to flour. Add milk and bring sauce to a bubble. Let the sauce reduce down for 5 minutes. Whisk frequently.

***This is where I learned something new. This sauce when finished is called 'bechamel' aka: 'white sauce'. Bechamel is a cream sauce used in many types of French dishes, and it's the base for many cheese sauces. I can confidently say that this sauce is what took this dish from good to great! mmmm!***

Drain pasta and transfer to a large casserole dish. Pour the tomato sauce over the pasta and turn to coat the pasta.

Pour the Bechamel over the already coated pasta.

Cover the top of the pasta with Asiago, Parmesan and mozzarella cheeses.

Place the casserole under hot broiler and melt the 3 cheeses until brown and bubbly, approx 5 minutes.

Ta Da!!!!! :) YUM.

Serve immediately with your favorite bread.

Just some notes from your novice cook wannabe:

Original recipe called for fresh basil to be added to the sauce before simmering. I did not have any, and sometimes fresh herbs scare me, so I didn't even attempt!! But if you happen to be a specialist with fresh herbs of all kinds, GO FOR IT!! :) Rachael Ray did.
The white sauce called for some grated nutmeg. Also didn't have any of that either. But if you are brave, go for that too. And then, let me know how it tasted.
This recipe was originally without meat, but my hubby is not a fan of meatless dinners so I added ground sirloin. I think Italian sausage would be a great addition too!
I kept the ziti in the oven a little longer on 'bake' not 'broil' because it wasn't quite hot all the way through.
We all had seconds. It was fabulous.

ENJOY and be blessed!

*recipe adapted from a Rachael Ray recipe found here.

10 more things (an update)

2011-08-17T21:17:00.004-05:00

Where have I been? ...without words mostly. :)

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down with fingers on the keys and nothing comes. Most often that happens when I'm overwhelmed, have too much going on or if I'm pregnant - but I can assure you the last one is most definitely NOT the case. I'll leave that to every other female on the planet whose body can actually function correctly.

But for now, I felt like you at least needed an update. So a '10 things' post shall suffice. Enjoy.

1. My '10 in 6' journey was a fail. Mostly because it was a terrible timing. We had 3 out of town trips planned during that time period. I don't know about you, but it is near impossible for me to watch my weight while vacationing. However, I have not given up. A good friend told me: "The time-line of the weight loss is not as important as NOT giving up until the weight is off". I am still committed to the gym 3 times a week, and plan on getting back on track with my water intake. So, all in all, I could rename my challenge: "10 in who knows when". But I WILL lose that weight. really.

2. We have fruit fly infestation. It is driving me nuts. If you have any idea on how to get rid of them please let me know.

3. Last month, Amick and I spent some time in Charlotte, NC for a possible job offer. It was a phenomenal place, great people, a wonderful company and a perfect offer... so you're probably thinking: "So, when's the move?" Well, it's not that easy. Neither of us had a peace about it, and we couldn't figure out why initially because everything seemed so perfect. But as time has passed, I realized that we couldn't do it because God hasn't released us from where we are yet. And any decision to move right now would be 'running' on our part. I do NOT want to run from a situation instead of getting healing from it. So. we. wait. for God to move. or speak. or something.

4. I am steps away from committing to training for a half marathon. in November. I'll let you know once I'm all in so you can cheer me on.

5. A couple months ago, we went and saw the specialist (RE) in regards to the recurrent miscarriages. Not impressed. I was miserable during the entire appointment, and if I hadn't already paid the guy $200 to hear what he had to say I would have walked out in the middle of it. It's such a money making scam, and without hearing a word I had to say about anything - he immediately told me that IVF was our only hope. Not to mention, he had some of the worst bed side manner I've ever seen. Insensitive, cold and to his own money making point. Not really my idea of a place I'd want to re-visit. So for the time being, we are done with doctors, hospitals, specialists, procedures, etc. DONE.

6. My birthday is in less than a month. I'm staring 29 right in the face. It scares me because I know what comes after that, and I'm not ready. I've had a rough couple years, and I am determined to make sure that my 30's are better than my 20's. Here's to making that happen!

7. Our first garden was a success and now it's over. We had plenty of tomatoes, cucumbers and jalapenos and bell peppers. Our squash and zuchini plants did not produce fruit for some reason, but all in all I was very impressed. I can't wait until next spring to do it again. :)

8. We are gearing up for our first family Disney world trip. In about 3 and a half weeks. Isaak is going to love it. I can't wait to see his face as he tries to take it all in. I've already started praying that God would have mercy on our souls and allow the clouds to cool us off and the rain to stay away. If you have any fabulous tips for doing Disney with a toddler, please send them my way.

9. Stomach bugs are no joke. A vicious one made it's way through our entire household a few weeks ago, and I will be happy and content to NEVER experience that again. It was terrible. However, it makes me all the more thankful for our over all good health. Something to never ever be taken for granted.

10. I cannot CANNOT believe in 3 short months I will be a momma to a 3 year old. 3 YEARS OLD. That hardly seems possible. Isaak is such a complete joy in my life. He is a ball of energy, and always knows the perfect thing to say to make me laugh - even on the worst of days. I know it will only get better from here. He is my best little friend.

Hope to get back into the blogging routine soon.

Be blessed.

Quote of the day

2011-08-10T08:12:00.002-05:00

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."
- H. Jackson Browne

Be blessed.

just a re-post

2011-08-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's ok to 'not know what to say'.
Sometimes it's ok to admit that you don't understand what someone is going through.
Sometimes it's ok that you DON'T understand.
Sometimes it's ok to be happy right where YOU are.
Sometimes it's ok to admit that you can't carry other people's burdens for them.

A post came back into my mind this morning, and I felt like I needed to re-post a portion of it. You can find the full post with videos HERE.

There is something about that word - when said or sung by someone who's spirit has literally been broken in two. There is just something about visually watching someone who has not just been through a valley, but has been dragged through it.... And there - even in the middle of it - face down, they still say:

Hallelujah (i.e. praise ye the Lord).

You bring your {put.together.life}, in your Sunday best, with every hair in place, judgments in hand, every 't' crossed, and you tell me that God is good because you've never faced a trial, and I say... move aside friend, because I can't see past your self-righteous bubble.

But, bring your {pieces.of.broken.life}, shattered as they may be, bring your unanswered questions, your wounds so big a bandage won't fit, your best attempt to get out of bed today and the tissues in your back pocket because you never know just when the tears will come, BRING ME THAT - coupled with arms open wide and say: I don't know which way is up but I know God is who He says He is, and I will cling to that with every aching part of me.

BRING ME THAT, and I say: Thank you Jesus for a testimony so powerful, a testimony where only You are left to put the pieces back together... in a way that is so much better than our best attempt on our best day. In a way that life is made new where and only You get the glory. Glory that makes our "Sunday best" look like rags.

Be blessed.

Lyrical Wednesday

2011-08-03T21:47:00.002-05:00

Lyrical ~~Tuesday~~ errr... I mean Wednesday :)

A friend of mine sent me the lyrics to the song awhile back, and they came on the perfect day. I've heard this song a lot on the radio, and it really is wonderful. Aside from it being overplayed... it really does me good to just let the lyrics sink in. When I really think about the words, it's healing in a sense. Hope you enjoy them too. :)

Hope Now by Addison Road

If everything comes down to love, then just what am I afraid of?
When I call out Your name, something inside awakes in my soul.
How quickly I forget... I'm Yours. I'm not my own.
I've been carried by You - all my life.

Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free.

When my life is like a storm, rising waters all I want is the shore.
You say I'll be ok, I'll make it through the rain.
You are my shelter from the storm.

Everything rides on hope now.
Everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down,
Your love sets me free.

I am not my own, I've been carried by you - all my life

You've become my hearts desire.
I will sing Your praises higher.
Your love sets me free.

Be blessed.

hard road traveled

2011-08-02T14:46:00.001-05:00

As most of you know, I've been slowly {and I definitely mean SLOWLY} working my way through Ann Voskamp's book: 'One Thousand Gifts'. This book was placed in my lap from the hands of a friend, and I had no idea what would take place as I started to read it.
It's been good. hard. real.

It's helping me travel down a road I've tried my whole life to avoid. The road of hard questions asked. The road we're told not to go near - because asking questions is wrong. But it's not wrong - it's real.

And what else is real? Pain. And pain seems to surround my days even as I try desperately to cling to grace and blessings. It remains, as I wait patiently for the clouds to break. I turn each corner to prayers answered - but answered for someone else - and I rejoice again because that's what love does - but... is it ok to still cup my own face when tears fall because months later, years later, I still feel pain?

The fighter in me tells me to 'dry it up'.

The grown adult in me tells me to 'keep on going'.

The church tells me to 'surrender it all'.

And the Word of God tells me to 'give thanks'.

What do I do with all that? I'll tell you what I want to do...
I want to turn my back to it all, put up the walls I'm so good at building by now and let nothing in ...because it's easier that way.

But is it?

This is where I'm at. This is where I'm headed as I read this book about giving thanks in all things.
This is what I want to say to you... I don't care how much you pretty it up, dress it up, or talk it up - life can be hard sometimes. The biggest lie that we can buy into is that we are alone as we hold onto our hard questions.

We see those around us with arms overflowing shouting their Jeremiah 29:11's and their Romans 8:28's, and we push the tears back once again because plans and purpose and good are the least of what we feel right now. So I say: where in the God-breathed scripture are the children of God who asked the hard questions too?

I haven't put the Bible away, I've been looking in different places. And as I've searched with tear-filled eyes, it's been as if God has said: "My hands give you everything you need, but because they give you everything, you have to trust me in the joy and the pain. Ask away, Christy, ask away. But I am still all you need. Give thanks. hold on.
Do. Not. Give. Up. I AM WITH YOU."

Not too long ago, I came to the story of Gideon, who was spoken to by an angel of the Lord - and even STILL... he had a hard time believing. Reading his words out loud give me permission to take a deep breath. And once again, I'm reminded that I am NOT alone.

Read for yourself.

...When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the LORD has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.” The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.”
- Judges 6:11-16

breathe in. breathe out. ahhhhhhh.

thankfulness. in everything. wow.

one day at a time.

He is with me.

He is with you.

"...I won't shield God from my anguish by claiming He's not involved in the ache of this world. and Satan prowls, but he's a lion on a leash and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, and I can cry, and I can howl and He embraces the David-hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief and I can moan deep that He did this - and He did. I feel Him hold me - a flailing child tired in Father's arms. And I hear Him soothe soft, "Are your ways My ways, child? Can you eat My manna, sustain on My mystery? Can you believe that I tenderly, tirelessly work all for the best good of the whole world - because my flame of love for you can never, ever be quenched?" - Ann Voskamp

"When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows." -Ann Voskamp

Be blessed.

off the bandwagon

2011-07-31T09:03:00.000-05:00

There have been plenty of reasons for the absence of blogging over the past couple weeks. Out of town trips, sick baby, sick mama, and - well, life in general. But I will get back on track this week, so look for upcoming posts in regards to:

10 in 6 weight-loss (or gain) update. (blah)
Lyrical Tuesday
my thoughts on starting my own gratitude journal.

Be blessed!

MY storm - Rachel's story

2011-07-25T08:00:00.008-05:00

Fact: storms will come. Another fact: There will always be hard questions as we walk through our storms. I want to believe God wants us to keep asking the hard questions, and I also believe this: Every storm does have an end, but it's not up to us to play god, or to attempt to explain God's agenda. It's up to us to pursue holiness, to pray, to know the Word of God, to show compassion, to love as He loved and believe God is who He says He is, and then... LET HIM DO THE REST.

Which is why I wanted to share this last story with you. A good friend and fellow blogger shared this story on her blog a while back, and she writes a story of hope even though - after years and years - she has not seen an answer. I pray you are encouraged by this no matter what you yourself are going through.

At age 16 I was in a one-car car accident. It seemed pretty minor, and no one was visibly injured. The weeks that followed did bring back pain, and the testing and treatments began. Over a course of two years, I was poked, prodded, sent to this doctor and that specialist, had multiple x-rays, MRI's CT scans, given the latest pain medications, steroid injections, had physical therapy, massage therapy, and chiropractor appointments. Nothing helped. Nothing. My doctors got to the point where there was nothing more that they could do. I had micro tears in my lower lumbar muscles and ligaments that refused to heal.

It has now been ten years since the accident that caused my back injury, and I have seen no improvement, no healing.

I live in daily pain. Most people would not guess that I live with this. I hide it really well. Chronic pain is something that I would wish on no one.

I spent two years of my life on heavy duty drugs, and I still to this day ask God why a healthy 16 year old had to go through this. I ask Him why I still have to go through this. Isn't ten years enough?

God has not given me an answer.

I remember talking to my father about that. I was crying "Why me?" and expressing to him that I just didn't understand why I couldn't life a normal, pain-free life. He could not give an explanation to my whys, but He did remind me of Paul.

In 2 Corinthians 12, we are told that Paul was given a thorn in his flesh. We do not exactly know what that thorn was, but most biblical scholars agree that it was some sort of physical ailment. Paul says that three times, he begged the Lord to take it away. But the Lord did not take it away.

I have begged the Lord, much more than three times, to take away my back pain. I have begged Him to heal it. I have claimed healing over myself, and others have prayed healing over me. But I have not been healed. I have not received any form of an answer or explanation. God has remained silent.

How I so long for a normal life. Where I could enjoy simple things that most take for granted, like standing for a while; sitting for a while; running; bowling; horseback riding; lifting children; laundry; cleaning; vacuuming; my list could go on and on...

My back pain is the thorn in my flesh.
Someday it may be removed.
Or I may have this pain for the rest of my life.

But I have to trust God and know that ultimately it is His choice and His plan, and that His ways are higher than mine. I have to believe that! He has the final say in whether He is going to deliver me or not. As my dear friend says, "I believe life can be hard; and not every storm brings immediate sunshine." God, You are God and I am not.

Even though it seems like You are silent, I will trust.
I have to!

-Rachel

Rachel blogs at My Story, My Song. Check it out.

Be blessed.

oh to speak freely

2011-07-21T22:17:00.003-05:00

I really try not to utilize my virtual pen to rant or lash out my frustrations, but on this lovely Thursday evening, I am allowing myself the opportunity to do so. It's been a rough week - of sorts. There are tons of teeny uncertainties floating around in my brain. Drama seems to pop up around every corner. I'm super-emotional this week {if you catch my drift}, and I'm just plain spent. So apparently, I just need to get some stuff out and not feel bad about it. Let's see how this goes.

On the topic of religion. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much but it does. Maybe because I can see it happening, and if I listen close enough, I can almost hear it being said: "I shall be the most effective for Christ by having the least amount to do with Him... I shall be super modern at all times and appear super cool at all costs and in turn I will win the multitudes when non-Christians see my coolness and notice that I volunteered once last week... oh and while I'm at it, I will bash anyone who actually vocalizes their faith, reads scripture aloud, has conservative morals or {heaven-forbid} posts any thought pertaining to God on social media outlets."

Really?!? Have we been given holy pedestals to condemn others for how they choose to share/not share what they believe? Yes, I'll be the first to say that I've questioned the guys yelling from the street corner, but as a friend of mine said the other day: "at least they're out there. It's more than I'm doing." Who are we to take the gospel and de-offensify it, put it in a coffee shop, toss in some skinny jeans and call it real? While that may be practical and useful, so are many other ways.

The gospel is the gospel. It is love. It is service. It is sacrifice and it IS real with nothing done to it at all... And in my opinion, it's lived out through the individual callings placed over the children of God... not meant to be bashed because it doesn't necessarily look cool to you. O.K. I'm done with that. {And for the record, I personally love to post verses and inspirational quotes on facebook, I also love skinny jeans and coffee shops. a lot!}

~~~~~

On the topic of friendship. Two days ago, I was driving home from the gym and thoughts were flooding my mind. I just felt extremely overwhelmed, and at one point the tears just started streaming down my face. From that overwhelmed place the words came out: "Do you really not understand what I've been going through lately?" I suppose I was talking to God, but also to other people as well.

Through those tears, I realized that I've let the expectations of others cover me with a blanket of guilt that does NOT belong there. I can genuinely say that the past few months have been some of the hardest for me. I've battled depression, exhaustion, fear and so much more. Yet somehow I've bought into the lie that while battling all of that - I still have to keep a face on, meet expectations, be the giving friend... I'm sorry, but that's not always possible. I cannot expect people to understand what I'm feeling if they've never experienced the loss that I have, but I can tell you one thing: I can expect the true genuine friends in my life to just be there. no questions asked.

And in the moment of tears falling... as I drove down hwy 29, I called out by name, in thanks for the people that God has placed under me to hold me up, beside me to hold my hand, and in front of me to guide where my blurry eyes can't see. And it was if God said to me: "those... Christy, those names you cherish. the others... you let go." Easy as that.

I guess that's all for now. There's more - but I'm tired, and I probably should just stop now anyway. :)

{I really could use 2-3, maybe 4 glazed donuts from Dunkin Donuts right now. And a blueberry iced coffee. with whipped cream. and maybe a number 5 combo from chick fil a too.}

Be blessed and thanks for enduring my rant.

MY storm - Sam's story

2011-07-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

Storms come in all different shapes and sizes. And it's quite possible that no two are ever the same. Yet, the beauty remains that as children of God - we have the ability to stand with each other during storms. Pray when the words won't come. Hold up hands that are too weak... and just be there if nothing more than just to listen. I believe God moves in that. And that's why I'm sharing these stories. I pray they touch you, and that it draws us a little closer even though we live in such a big big world.

I'm sharing a story from a reader and friend, Sam. It takes tremendous courage to to openly share a story that is so personal. I know that you will be touched as you read her story about perseverance, faith and forgiveness.

You hear about it happening all the time, yet you never think it'll actually happen to you. Back in 2004, I was violently raped. At the time it happened, I was going throuh a pretty rough time in my life and just decided to stuff it down and not tell anyone. From day one, I have gone through situations that no one should have to go through. I have had to be a strong person, always getting right back up after being knocked down time and time again.
I was never really affected by the rape until I was pregnant. I was having horrible nightmares about a previous miscarriage and the rape. All kinds of emotions have been coming up. I want to come to the point where I can honestly say I forgive the man that hurt me. I don't want to wake up terrified because of the dream I just had that made me re-live that night all over again. I know that I am a child of the Lord and that He is my Healer. And I know that these thoughts and feelings I have are not from Him. But sometime its hard not to believe the lies the enemy tells me.

I need this healing and I know that my God is beyond capable. He has brought me through so much already and there's no way I can get through this on my own. One day at a time is all I can do.

She blogs over at Sweetly Broken. Check it out.

Be blessed.

MY storm - Kristine's story

2011-07-20T07:30:00.002-05:00

One of my readers, Kristine, emailed me awhile back and shared her story with me. As I read it, I knew right away that I wanted to share it with you because her words are so real, her story is real and even though her storm has lasted for almost 4 years, she is still holding on. I pray you are as touched as I was when I read it.

“So, what's God been doing in your life lately,” my friend asked, taking a sip of his water. He was making his annual visit to Texas, staying at our house, and had just finished telling my husband and I how God had delivered him from his alcohol addiction. I felt a pang in my heart. ...Here's what He's NOT doing, I wanted to say. Listening. Responding. Answering. Letting me know He's here? ...Nope, none of that.

It was March 2010. Three days had passed since my doctor had confirmed I was in the middle of our second miscarriage. An ultrasound had showed that there was nothing in my uterus and we were waiting to see what the pregnancy hormone levels would do; so far, they had dropped. Slightly, but they were dropping.

I had prayed day and night for this pregnancy and it seemed like God had answered abundantly. Our infertility treatment had gone exceptionally well, and we had celebrated by attending a marriage retreat. My body announced my pregnancy to me days before the official test; later, we received the call confirming that I was pregnant, possibly with multiples. We had enlisted an army of prayer warriors, committed to carrying our expanding family to the Lord. My times with Him were full of praise, learning, and hope.

And then, it seemed like all communication stopped. As my hormone levels dropped, it was like God removed all of His presence from my life. I cried out for healing, for Him to save this pregnancy, for His presence, for any hope to show me that He cared. Nothing. Silence in the storm.

Since there was nothing in my uterus, and the hormone level was dropping, all we could do was wait. My pregnancy was ectopic and I had to have my blood drawn weekly to mark where the level had fallen. Week after week passed, and I cried to the Lord daily, hourly, minute by minute for this to be over. I was in a deep valley and it seemed like the Lord was high on His Holy mountain, the space between us to vast for Him to cross. (In hindsight, had I forgotten about the cross? Is there any space too immense for the Cross to span?)

14 agonizing weeks passed. 14 weeks of waiting, of crying, of questioning. God answered my prayer by allowing me to have two doses of Met.hotrexate, a drug normally used for cancer patients, but also to help break up ectopic pregnancies. Not the kind of answer I was looking for. I remember one Sunday in church where the Bible text praised God for His healing. My angry thought was “But Lord, You didn't heal. I'm still broken. Where are You?” I was so distraught that I couldn't stay in church; I retreated to the safety of Starbucks, with praise music on my i-pod and buried myself in the Psalms.

Still nothing. His Word was dull and void to me; yet I continued to read, and hope.

My friend visited this March, and again asked “What's God been doing in your life?” (after telling us about how God had delivered him from his recurrent knee pain). I was able to tell him that He had been healing me quietly, teaching me to cling to Him even when my words and pleas seemed to hit the Rock that is the Lord with a dull thud. He hadn't brought the physical healing to my infertile body that I desperately desired; instead, He had been preparing me for an even deeper valley, one I didn't was coming as I spoke to my friend. All I knew is that God, in His silence, had allowed me to learn to lean on His word and to be honest in prayer with Him. Little did I know those lessons would soon be put into constant practice.

Almost a year to the day my second miscarriage was finally finished, I had a d&c to complete my third miscarriage. My storm continues, but this time I am learning to see God in the storm. He's still silent, my desperate “why God” has yet to be answered. But, He is showing me that He is still here. He's given me community. He's given me His Word. He's reminded me that I have a Living Hope, a Savior Jesus, and confirming to me that Jesus is truly all I need. He's allowing me to be honest with Him in my grief and questions, and I am learning more about His character. I won't lie and say it's been easy or have enjoyed this refining process; it's difficult, scary, lonely. But I am learning that I am never alone. Just because God is silent doesn't mean He's abandoned me; instead maybe He's just letting me rage, bang my fists against His chest, and holding me as I cry.

-Written by Kristine, battling infertility & recurrent miscarriages.

Be blessed.

Silence in the storm - Part 4

2011-07-19T12:00:00.002-05:00

My wish is that I could say all the perfect things to you. All the perfect things to make your storm more bearable... to make the clouds a little less dark... to make the waves a little less capsizing. I often hope - in the deepest part of me - that someone would have the perfect words for me. Sometimes - in mid-conversation with someone, I'll find myself clinging on every word just praying that the next sentence would be the one to set me free. Yet - I walk away with a bit of a sunken heart because the words didn't come. My soul still feels heavy. My future still seems barren. All I hear is silence, even if the words are everywhere.

I've even been told some of the worst things. I'm sure you have too. In the middle of our storms - there are sometimes works spoken that should have never been said. But they were. And our only choice is to move them aside and move forward... after brushing the tears aside of course.

"It is NOT a sin to be heart broken."

But what I wanted to share today came after hearing a beautiful message on Sunday. The words come straight from God's word {from the holiest of places}. The words were written from a prophet, a chosen man of God, a man with a calling on his life. Yet, as you will read, he was surely experiencing a storm of his own. So I say to you before I list the scripture:

You are not alone.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I wish I could take the silence away, but I can't.

All I can say is that I am here, I will pray, and finally...

God is STILL good.

Read this aloud in your silence. Let the words permeate your soul.

~~~~~

Lamentations 3:1-20

I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.

He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light;

indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.

He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones.

He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.

He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead.

He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains.

Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer.

He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked.

Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding,

he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help.

He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows.

He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver.

I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long.

He has filled me with bitter herbs and sated me with gall.

He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust.

I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is.

So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.

~~~~~

Can you relate to any of that? Does it seem odd that this prophet, Jeremiah, is talking about God? Some would say he was wrong for talking about God like that. But I say... this is God's word. And in His sovereignty, he CHOSE to include every single word in the scripture, maybe, just maybe so that we would know what we're feeling IS real. So that we would know that a genuine lament is a part of life. It IS real and it's OK, and anyone who would tell you otherwise is refusing to acknowledge the truth. Being real about pain produces authenticity. And I believe the spirit of God inhabits the authentic.

"Simply put, [depth] is the opposite of what is shallow or superficial." -Randall Worley

But see, the passage isn't done...

The beautiful part is that Jeremiah didn't stop there. And this is the key part that I think we must cling to in any storm. silence or not. After our lament, we must cry out and declare what we KNOW to be true.

~~~~~

Jeremiah 3:21-32

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust-- there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.

~~~~~

So I say to you, as my final post in this series. Even if silence remains. Do not give up hope. Be honest about your pain. Cry out to God, be honest with Him. Nothing surprises him. Cling to the people He has placed in your life.

"God's goodness is wide enough to accommodate my grief" -Steven Furtick

STAY in HIS word. Don't let go of it. It is the well spring of life. Let your silence create a story within you. Let your pain develop a perseverance that you wouldn't have otherwise had. Hold on. for dear life. And when... not if, but when... the storm does pass, write your story down. Shout it from the roof tops and let it speak to others who just may be entering a storm of their own.

"What is dead may be dormant, and what is barren may be about to bear, and wild things can somehow find a way to bloom." -Ann Voskamp

Check back on Wednesday, Thursday & Friday of this week. I will be posting 3 stories from readers who have experienced or are experiencing silence in their own storm.

Be blessed.

Mini Donut Muffins

2011-07-14T07:00:00.002-05:00

Well... it's no secret that I'm obsessed with Dunkin Donuts. So when I came across this recipe - I was excited to try it. For me - it was a win/win/win. Because:

I love 'mini' things.
I love donuts and...
I love muffins.

So, how excited do you think I was when I saw all three of them combined?!? ummm VERY! Also...it works during my 10 in 6 challenge, because I can just eat one to satisfy my sweet tooth. :)

Anyway, surprisingly I found this recipe from www.allrecipes.com, and it was delicious. I only had to change a few things. If you are at all interested... keep reading. (Oh, and I know the correct spelling is 'doughnut', but for some reason I just love to spell it 'donut' instead. Deal with it. :)

Mini 'Donut' Muffins

Ingredients

1/2 cup white sugar

1/4 cup margarine, melted

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon*

(*the recipe called for ground nutmeg, but I didn't have any)

1/2 cup milk

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 cup all-purpose flour

~~~

1/4 cup margarine melted

1/2 cup white sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

Preheat oven to 375. Grease 24 mini muffin cups.

Mix 1/2 cup sugar, 1/4 cup melted margarine and cinnamon in large bowl. Stir in the milk, and then mix in the baking powder and flour until just combined.

Fill the muffin cups at least half full.

Bake until the tops are lightly golden (approximately 15 minutes)

While muffins are baking, place 1/4 melted margarine in a bowl, and in a separate bowl mix together the 1/2 cup sugar with the cinnamon. Set aside. (*I also set aside a bowl with just sugar, and a bowl with white powdered sugar... I wanted to try different kinds.)

Remove muffins from their cups and place on cooling rack.

Dip each muffin into the melted margarine, and roll in the the sugar-cinnamon mixture. Or white sugar or powdered sugar if you like variety like me.

Let them cool and then...ENJOY!!!

Eat some donuts and be blessed!

10 in 6 - weigh in #2

2011-07-13T13:40:00.001-05:00

As promised, here is my weigh in post. Most of me wanted to be discouraged, because I should be over half-way to my goal - but the other part of me is just happy there is a loss and not a gain... considering the week long vacation we had. I didn't really plan out the timing of starting this adventure, because of the trip we took and the fact that we are leaving again for another trip tomorrow. We'll be in NC for a few days. But - that little rest will be good - b/c I have shin splints something fierce, and I'm pretty sure they will only get better with rest. I will just need to keep an eye on my food intake.

I've started doing circuit training at the gym with my workout partner, so that will replace Jillian for now. That way I can get the complete workout done at the gym. There's no telling what the next couple weeks will look like. This may turn into a 10 in 7. Who knows. But regardless - I'm committed, so that's the main thing. Here are my stats.

Week 4, Day 1

Starting weight: 149.0

Current weight: 146.2

Loss this week: 1.2 pounds

Total loss: 2.8 pounds

Be blessed.

Lyrical Tuesday

2011-07-12T06:30:00.001-05:00

I have a great running play list for when I run. It consists of mostly up-beat worship songs with a few silly songs thrown in. (i.e. an infamous Justin Beiber song, maybe.) Hey - whatever get's me through, right?!?

Anyhow, While I was running a couple days ago, around mile 3, Kris Allen's song "Live Like We're Dying" came on, and I was at a steady pace so I actually listened to all the words. I'm not gonna lie, a few tears actually rolled down my face as I really thought about the words. Just wanted to share them, and highlight a few of my favorite lines. It's always worth the reminder to appreciate the little things, to say I love you more, and to live for the moment because we're not truly guaranteed the next.

Live Like We're Dying

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up.
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough.
How come we don't say I love you enough?
...Till it's to late, it's not too late!

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come, and we could make a feast from these crumbs.
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun.
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done?

We gotta start looking at the hands of the time we've been given.
If this is all we got then we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking...
We gotta live like we're dying.

And if your plane fell out of the skies, who would you call with your last goodbye?
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line.

You never know a good thing till it's gone.
You never see a crash till it's head on.
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong?
You never know a good thing till it's gone.

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away.
We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say...
gotta live like we're dying..

Be blessed.

homemade taco seasoning

2011-07-10T17:47:00.005-05:00

The other night I was making tacos with my step-mom, and just as the meat got done cooking we realized we didn't have the taco seasoning packet that comes in the taco kit. So - I did some research and taste testing and after looking at a couple recipes I finalized a perfect taco seasoning recipe. This was better than the packet because I saved 89 cents, it didn't have any artificial ingredients, and we had most of the ingredients on hand. (You probably do too!)

The other great thing - is... the recipe can be easily modified for your taste. Just add more of something you really like or less of something you're not really fond of. So - without further delay... here you go.

Homemade Taco Seasoning Recipe

Ingredients

4 tablespoons chili powder

1 teaspoon oregano

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon pepper

1.5 teaspoon salt

1.5 teaspoon cumin

1.5 teaspoon onion powder

1.5 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (add only if you like extra spice)

Directions

Measure out all ingredients in a small bowl.

Stir well until all spices are incorporated.
(Do a little taste test here to see if you want more of something)

Store in an air-tight container.
Seasoning should keep well up to 4 months.

When ready to use, measure 2-3 tablespoons for 1 lb. of ground meat.
Use more or less depending on how strong you want the meat seasoned.

TIP:

If you like how the taco seasoning packets make a thickened sauce with the meat, all you need to do is add 1 tablespoon of flour to 3 tablespoons of the seasoning mixture. Stir well and add with 1/4 cup water to 1 pound of cooked meat. Cook until sauce is thickened and heated through.

ENJOY and be blessed!

Recipe to print:

Ingredients

4 tablespoons chili powder

1 teaspoon oregano

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon pepper

1.5 teaspoon salt

1.5 teaspoon cumin

1.5 teaspoon onion powder

1.5 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (add only if you like extra spice)

Directions

Measure out all ingredients in a small bowl.

Stir well until all spices are incorporated.

Store in an air-tight container.

Seasoning should keep well up to 4 months.

When ready to use, measure 2-3 tablespoons for 1 lb. of ground meat.
Use more or less depending on how strong you want the meat seasoned.

TIP:

10 in 6 update

2011-07-10T15:38:00.000-05:00

No - I haven't given up. Yes - I'm off track a little.

I didn't do a weigh-in post last week because - well - I'd really like it if last week could not count. :) Hubby, bubby and I went on a road trip to visit all of our families and were gone for the entire week. I decided two days into it that I wasn't going to be consumed by the limits I'd previously set. I'm glad because I went on caffeine overload to make up for the lack of sleep I got. I also most likely ate way more than I should have and didn't work out at all - unless chasing my two year old around constantly counts as a work out.

My plan is to get back on track tomorrow - so my booty will be in the gym promptly at 8:30. I've also decided to change my weigh-in day to Wednesdays because, really... who wants to weigh in on a Monday??? I'm going to still stick to my 6 week goal, but I'm going to have to work extra hard over the next 3 weeks. I honestly couldn't tell you what I weigh right now, because I refuse to step on the scale until Wednesday. :)

So - stay tuned.

Here's back to insane water consumption, no late night snacks, and my morning runs.

Say a prayer for me.

Be blessed.

Faces of Loss

2011-07-02T11:02:00.000-05:00

I came across a site a few weeks ago that touched me deeply. It is a website that is devoted completely to recognizing and supporting those who have had to endure miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. I think for so long these types of losses have been such a taboo subject - but through brave women and the world of blogging, the tough subject is being talked about it and I think that hope really is rising out of it.

"After spending hours and hours scouring the internet for other stories like mine, I realized pregnancy loss is more common than I ever thought, and that it does not discriminate. It affects women of all ages, of all races, of all walks of life. It’s not just something that happens to “other people,” it can happen to anyone. I realized there were so many other nice, normal people like me who had gone through the death of a child. And they were surviving. That realization gave me hope. If they could do it, maybe, just maybe I could survive this too." -Kristin from Faces of Loss

If you have ever had to experience the tragedy of miscarriage or any loss similar - this site is extremely comforting to navigate through, and I encourage you to submit your story. Putting a face to the loss is liberating and I believe it brings light to the healing process. And, even if you haven't experienced the loss - you can be touched by reading some of the stories of these incredibly strong and beautiful SURVIVING women. You can go to the site HERE.

A couple weeks ago - the site actually posted my story, and I've already received so much support from other women who have faced similar losses. You can read my story by clicking the link below.

Faces of Loss: Christy's story

I do not claim the diagnosis of "recurrent miscarriages" over my life because I know that I serve a God who is bigger than that - BUT I do put my face with the pain; because it's real - and I do have a story - and I'm believing that a story of hope will come from the brokenness. Some how. Some way.

Be blessed.

Silence in the storm - Part 3

2011-07-01T06:30:00.003-05:00

Click here to read Part 1 & Part 2.

Packing and preparing for an out of town trip has delayed the post I wanted for this week, but to continue with the series I wanted to post some songs worth clinging to during a storm. I pray that if you are facing a storm of your own that you will continue to worship - even if it's all you have left to do. The Bible says God inhabits the praises of His people... so cling to that - and worship until the words become true to you.

Can Anybody Hear Me by Meredith Andrews

Desert Song by Hillsong United

Let the Waters Rise by Mikeschair

Be blessed & be refreshed.

Lyrical Tuesday

2011-06-28T06:00:00.001-05:00

I've decided that Tuesdays on this blog shall be re-named Lyrical Tuesdays. I'll just be posting lyrics to a song that I've really been enjoying. Songs of worship have always had such a way of encouraging my soul, so I thought it'd be good to share them here with you as well.

So, the first song I'll post was written by the band Sanctus Real. I have really grown to love this band over the years, and most recently because of the story of their lead singer Matt Hammitt. You can the story HERE. Anyway, I do not like that the radio completely over plays their songs, but this one has been recently released, and I actually took the time to listen to the lyrics the other day and in more ways than one it echos where we are at right now.

It's called:

'The Redeemer'

Sometimes I just want to start over, because everything looks like a wreck. And I need the courage to carry on, because I can't see what's ahead. There are places I've wished I could be, battles I've wanted to win. Dreams that have slipped through my hands that I may never get back again.

But I'm still a dreamer, a believer.
I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in You.
I've given up on too many things, but I'm not giving up on You.
Because You can make anything new.

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear ,
Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer.
But I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve,
Because in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here.

I don't have every answer in life,
but I'm trusting You one day at a time.
Because You can make a weak heart stay alive forever...
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive.
You can make anything new

Be blessed.

10 in 6 - weigh in #1

2011-06-27T14:06:00.000-05:00

hey hey, everybody. So I survived my first week of little changes. Overall I did good, but I'm looking forward to a more consistent week ahead. Sooooo... here's my stats, oh and excuse my funky lookin toes. I'm in desperate need of a pedicure.

Week 2, Day 1

Starting weight: 149.0

Current weight: 147.4

Loss this week: 1.6 pounds

Total loss: 1.6 pounds

So I lost a pound and a half. I'm happy about that. and even surprised a little because I only made it to the gym one time last week. I suppose drinking all that water and not eating late at night really did help. :) yay. I'm looking forward to what this week holds because I'm even more motivated then I was last week. Here's to more gym time, more H2O & possibly a treadmill partner!!!!!!

10 random non-coherant things.

I did not care for lady that got on the treadmill RIGHT next to me today. Keep in mind there were at least 14 other open treadmills and she decided to invade my running space. It really only bothered me because she had just finished a cigarette and so for the last 20 minutes of my run - I felt like I was working out in a bowling alley. yuck.
Saturday night my donut obsession got the best of me. For some reason I lost all sense of judgment and loaded Isaak up at 7:30pm in his pjs, and we took a quick drive to dunkin donuts. I consumed a blueberry iced coffee and 2 (yes, 2) donuts at 8:30. Nice, Christy, real nice...way to break every rule known to man. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.
If I could eat sub-way for lunch every day I would. Not because it's my favorite place to eat but because it's so easy to walk in and easily make a healthy choice.
I sweat. a lot. more than the average person. It gets on my nerves. After my run this morning, my entire shirt was soaked except for the perfectly dry outline of my sports bra. It looked like I was wearing a sports bra over my shirt. trendy.
My husband is so cute, he shares his protein shakes with me in the morning.
I forgot what it was like for my thighs not to touch each other while running. Maybe one day.
It's much easier for me to run on a treadmill right now. I've gone from running 14 minute miles to 11 minute miles. I attribute that to an air-conditioned environment, no incline and less impact. I don't think I'd survive running outside in the heat right now. And I'm no where near cool enough to get myself up at 5:00am to run before the heat attack. So treadmill it is.
I think I'm going to grow my hair out. (This has nothing to do with fitness/diet I know).
I have decreased my diet coke consumption by A LOT. I think I had a total of 3 diet cokes last week. and that is an accomplishment. The water is actually growing on me.
I need a new running playlist. The one I have now is overplayed. It reminds me of training for the 15k. Nothing wrong with that - I just need some new music for a new season. I will be keeping the un-named Justin Bieber song on my playlist though. It's a classic.

*If you're doing this too or something similar, leave a comment and let me know how you're doing. Accountability is everything!!!

Be blessed.

Silence in the storm - Part 2

2011-06-24T07:19:00.000-05:00

Click here for the introductory post to this series.

"When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible—with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation." -Oswald Chambers

~~~~~~~~~~

If you've been following my blog for any period of time then you know that I've been walking through a storm of my own for awhile now. Some of you may have even followed from the beginning; when the clouds rolled in as our first pregnancy ended at 6 weeks. Then, only two short months later, the rain poured down over our attempts again as we looked our 2nd miscarriage right in the face. A year after the birth of our miracle son Isaak, the unexpected storm rolled back in with our third miscarriage and hasn't let up since.

I've never cried so much in my life.

The storm has raged - soaking our dreams.

And if you've still been reading - you know the rains haven't let up.

We've prayed and cried... through the 4th miscarriage and the most recent 5th miscarriage. We've been begging for a chance to breathe and see life NOT death.

But it hasn't come yet.

My storm still persists.

I have asked the hard questions.

I have doubted things I never thought I would.

I have felt pain I didn't think existed - and even still, silence remains.

One of the hardest questions I've asked has been: "Why?" ...along with many variations of that question... Why me? Why so many? Why the silence? Why no answers? Well, I don't have the answers - I've just chosen to serve the One who does. I'm daily reminding myself that I am held in the hands that created me, whether or not He responds in the way I think He should. With that in mind - here is a little of what I've been learning:

I'm not the first and won't be the last.

Storms are nothing new. Neither is suffering. And neither is the silence. I could spend my whole life searching for the answer to why people experience silence in the darkest times, but I fear I'd be spending my whole life trying to answer the wrong question. There are some questions we WILL NOT get the answers to this side of heaven, and that might just be one of them. So, perhaps the best thing to do is change the question to: "How do I respond when it seems like God is silent in my storm?"

One thing that keeps resonating within me as I ask that question is: the reminder that I'm not alone. I'm not the only one facing a trial, I won't be the last one to face a trial and there are many many others who have walked a road of turmoil long before me. Look at some scriptures for example:

How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, ’Violence!’ but you do not save? Habakkuk 1:2

Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you. Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress. Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call. Psalm 102:1-2

My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Psalm 22:2

Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Mark 4:38

You know what has made the biggest impact on my life as I've walked this difficult road? The testimony of others. I've read the stories of people in valleys deeper than mine and yet - there in the middle of it, they've CHOSEN the path of righteousness, a life of faith, the badge of hope; even when I myself can't see any good to come out of it. Powerful.

If you are facing a storm, and the answers aren't there and they don't seem to be coming... then I challenge you to find godly people who are walking a similar road. Find godly people who have come out of a similar situation victorious, read about the men/women in Bible who cried out the same prayer you are, let their lives inspire you, let God speak through their story, and I promise you - you will be moved and your faith will be strengthened.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

Silence in a storm does not necessarily mean you are out of God's will.

So often people think that if God is silent during a trial then they must be out of God's will. We've all heard the mis-communicated message: "live a Godly life and you're life will be good, step out of God's will and you're life will be bad." While I agree that there are consequences for sin, I do not agree that a life lived in God's will be free of pain and suffering. In fact, I think the opposite is sometimes true. i.e. the life of David, the life of Job, the fiery furnace, the life of Paul, the disciples, our Savior...the list goes on.

The facts are: 1. Bad things will happen. 2. God is still good.

It's possible to be right in the middle of God's will and face the some of the hardest trials. When that happens, I think our response should shift from asking 'why' bad things are happening to 'how' we should respond in the middle of it. We should allow the times of silence to prepare us and not see them as punishment. And even harder - sometimes, all we can do is lift our hands {yes - even in the silence} and worship. Worship through the pain, worship through the silence, just like Paul & Silas did (after being beaten and thrown into prison for DOING God's will). Worship until the prison doors are opened!

After they (Paul & Silas) had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose. Acts 16:24-26

Silence can sometimes exist in order for strength to be born.

“But I have heard strong saints say, ‘Every significant advance I have ever made in grasping the depths of God’s love and growing deep with Him has come through suffering'.” -John Piper from Desiring God.

What if the silence exists for us to realize who IS in control and who CAN be trusted? There are days that I feel like I could have been sitting in the boat with the disciples that day the storm came up. I feel like it could have been me that said to Jesus: “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” There are days that I cry out: "Lord, do you not see what we are going through? Do you even care? Do you even know I'm here?"

But could it be... that He trusts us with His silence? Could it be that the most silent and painful days are strengthening us in a way that we'd never be strengthened otherwise? Could it be that the silence is for a purpose? That maybe - just maybe He really is in control? It reminds me of a post I published last year about my son getting his vaccinations - what a revelation!

Lately, I have been thinking back to Isaak's 18 month check up. I think about the shots that he got that day. The nurse came in and laid out each needle, and before she could even turn around - he already knew what she was up to. Isaak immediately reached for me to take him away from the "cruelty" he was about to experience, yet once again I had to clench my teeth and hold him down so that everything would go smoothly. With each shot administered, his scream got louder and the most pitiful/tear-filled eyes looked over at me and it was as if he was saying to me, "Mommy, why are you letting her do this to me, please make it stop!" If only, there was a way I could have made his young little mind understand that what the nurse was doing was in his best interest. The vaccinations were something that would help his body fight off even more pain/difficulty down the road. I was letting the nurse do this because I loved him.

I'm walking this road one day at a time. I hope one day to arrive at an intersection - and have the opportunity to walk a different road, but until then I pray that perseverance is born from this walk. And that when I look back, even through the silence I can say I lived a full life.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17

Next week, I'll post part 3 of this series... but it will be a bit different. I will be posting my thoughts on responding to others when they are walking through a storm... what to say/what not to say to those who are experiencing their own silence. So, check back soon. :)

Lastly, if you are still interested in sharing your story for the end of this series post: "Silence in MY storm", please contact me and let me know. I have two spots left to fill. :) You can contact me HERE.

Be blessed.

quick 10 in 6 update

2011-06-23T12:33:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to post a quick update.

I missed a day at the gym this week because I spent the day with my niece while also watching a sweet baby for a dear friend. So that is a completely good excuse, and I'm certain I probably burned the same amount of calories chasing around 3 kiddos.
I have successfully met my water quote each day, but not without a fight. It is NOT fun. I do not like it. But I'm doing it. Oh, and I despise the amount of times I have to pee in a given day.
The hardest thing so far has been not eating after 8pm. It's like my body knows I'm depriving it. haha. Never fails. 9pm rolls around, and I'm suddenly starving. That bowl of cereal sounds soooooo good and it takes just about all I have not to cave in. But not yet. Go me!
Also - I'm not going to be able to do the no carbs at dinner thing. So I've decided to modify that goal and watch portion sizes instead - thanks to Jessica for the much more reasonable tip.

Thanks to everyone for the posts of encouragement...sure makes sticking with something A LOT easier. :) Look for my weekly weigh in post on Monday.

Be blessed.

10 {pounds} in 6 {weeks}

2011-06-20T13:02:00.002-05:00

So, I'm at it again. I love a good challenge - and it's taken me a month to prepare for this one. I promised myself that I wouldn't mention it or gather support until I was ready to commit. But - today - I woke up ready to commit. Finally...the motivation found me. Finally!

It will be called the "10 in 6 challenge". Also known as the "lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks challenge". This is not a diet or any super-crazy fitness craze, it's just a little challenge that I made up for myself and it will be composed of 6 small life changes that when combined should allow me to lose 1.5 pounds a week. *hopefully*. Here's my simple six:

1. Stop drinking soda and meet a 64oz water goal each day.

2. Don't eat past 8:00pm. Easy as that. No exceptions.

3. Go to the gym 3 days a week.

4. Consume little/no carbs at dinner time.

5. blog for accountability and post weekly weigh-ins.

6. Complete 30 day shred during week 3 - week 6. (It worked for Life at the Larsons)

So with today being day 1, I shall begin with the horrendous starting weight picture. Now, to avoid complete vulnerability and embarrassment, the photo will be of the scale - not me (thanks to the cute inspiration from Behind the Stone Wall's weight loss journey). Hey, I'm already posting my weight, so there's no way I'm actually posting a "before" picture too. Deal with it. :)

So without further stalling, here are my starting stats (no judging allowed):

Weight: umm 149.0 whoa.

(very close to a certain un-mentionable number. ahem)

Week 1, Day 1

There you have it. I totally just put myself out there. If all goes as planned, I should see the beloved '130's' by August 1st. Yay. I hope so! Feel free to send any and all encouragement my way. I'll be posting weekly updates. So stay tuned! (insert fun-peppy-motivating music)

Anyone else out there want to join in too? If so, leave a comment, and I'll have my hubby make a '10 in 6' button, and we can do this together. please?!?

Be blessed.

for the day that awaits

2011-06-20T08:21:00.000-05:00

"I AM the firm foundation on which you can dance and sing and celebrate My Presence. This is My high and holy calling for you; receive it as a precious gift. Glorifying and enjoying Me is a higher priority than maintaining a tidy, structured life. Give up your striving to keep everything under control - an impossible task and a waste of precious energy. My guidance for each of My children is unique. That's why listening to Me is so vital for your well-being. Let me prepare you for the day that awaits you continually, so don't be intimidated by fear. Though it stalks you, it cannot harm you, as long as you cling to My hand. Keep your eyes on Me, enjoying Peace in My Presence." - Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

{But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Psalm 5:11}

Be blessed today.

Father's day

2011-06-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

I am blessed to have such a great relationship with both my parents. And while I enjoy the relationship all year long, I especially love having a day to especially celebrate what they mean to me. Last month I got to celebrate my mom, what she means to me, and how thankful I am that she is such a huge part of my life and to Isaak as his Grammie.

Tomorrow, I get to celebrate my dad, and even thought I won't be with him in person - I am so thankful to be able to celebrate him and talk to him. I am the most blessed girl - in the world - to have a dad like him, what a true joy it is. I only wish we lived closer.

this is an old picture, but one of my favorites!

No price can be placed on the value of wonderful loving parents. And so, I just say that I am thankful - beyond thankful.

Happy Father's day!

Quote of the day

2011-06-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
-Margaret Thatcher

Be blessed.

Silence in the storm

2011-06-10T09:44:00.003-05:00

You probably won't find this topic among the most popular blogging forums, because it's hard. But it's REAL.

...Faith in God is not simply faith in what God can do. But it’s the belief that God is God whether He delivers us or not. He has the final say. And it’s our decision to choose to follow Him through it all. -Our Daily Bread 6/7

It can be very easy for me to fit my perception of God into a perfectly-shaped earthly box. I think I sometimes forget that God may be more concerned with where I am going and the end result rather than being a magical genie who responds in any way that I wish.

Have you ever been told that if you just pray the right prayer, or just believe hard enough, then the trials you are in right now will go away and everything will have a happy 'earthly' ending? I have. And it can be hard to hear those things, and then to do everything you think you're supposed to do - yet the storm still persists.

Our god-shaped boxes and genie mindsets can sometimes be mis-leading. In real life anyway.

Now, don't get me wrong. I believe in a God who works all things together for good, who brings the harvest if we don't lose heart, who is able to do immeasurable more, who heals, and I believe in a God who loves us so much that he gave His only son so that we could have eternal life.

BUT, I also believe in a God who exists for His own glory, not ours, who's ways are higher than ours, who's in the business of pursuing our hearts instead of giving us every little thing we want. I believe we live in a fallen world - and because of that - I believe life can be hard; and not every storm brings immediate sunshine.

What do you say to people who genuinely serve God - yet their miracles don't seem to come how we expect them to? What do you do if you're the one who is genuinely serving God but the storm remains and it seems as if God is silent?

The woman who planned on the marriage with the love of her life...but not the divorce.
The man who worked for 17 years for the 9 to 5, only to be escorted out with nothing to show for it.
The couple who planned to raise a child, only to bury him before he was out of diapers.
The couple who has tried to conceive for more years than fingers on a hand, and still only silence fills the home, no child.
The woman who planned on a life lived long with her husband, but instead, buries him way too young.
The couple who planned to expand their family, but instead has carried 6 children, and only met one.

The reality is - for as many people who have received their "earthly" miracle and rejoice from the roof tops, there are just as many who sit in silence and wonder why they were 'skipped over' when the miracles were handed out. And it leaves me again saying: "God, I know you are good, and you HAVE to be bigger than all of this! There HAS to be more than what my finite mind can understand."

I could take the biggest religious words you can find and shove them into the best quote you can find written by the best minister known to man and post it on as many social media forums as possible, but it still doesn't change the fact that God is God and I am not. It doesn't change the fact that there are real hurts in this world, and that sometimes, even in the biggest of storms - it can seem like God is silent.

What do we say to the people who feel like God is silent in their storm?
What do we say to them?!?
What do we do when we are the ones in the storm?
What do we say when life hasn't gone as planned - and only silence remains?
What do we need to know about God when the storms are raging?

Well, I don't have all the answers, but I am asking a lot of those questions, and starting on June 24th - I will be publishing a series of posts on this blog that will take a deep look at those questions, and study what the scriptures tell us to do when there seems to be:

...But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water. Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?" When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:37-40

At the end of this series, I will be posting several stories from you... my readers, in a post entitled "Silence in MY Storm". If you have ever gone through or *are going through* a storm in your life, and it seemed like God was silent - I'd love to hear from you. There is so much power in testimonies, and I believe that God uses our perseverance through trial to help pull others through their storms. What was/is your storm? What did you learn from it? If the storm hasn't passed, what are you clinging to for hope? If the storm has passed, when did God finally speak? If you are interested in sharing, please contact me HERE. You don't need to have the story prepared yet, just let me know if you are interested.

Be blessed.

on 'keeping house' + a deal

2011-06-09T14:43:00.000-05:00

While we're on the subject of clean houses and clean clothes (See my first post HERE). I wanted to share a great deal I got this morning at Winn Dixie.

For the next week at Winn Dixie you can get an incredible deal on laundry items. See below:

Buy (1) 48-64 load Gain 2X liquid laundry detergent for $11.99 and get all 4 of these items FREE: *with Winn-Dixie Customer Reward Card*

22 oz. spray Shout stain remover for FREE

96 oz. regular Winn-Dixie ultra bleach for FREE

64 oz. original Gain liquid fabric softener for FREE

40 ct. Gain fabric softener sheets for FREE

Now, to make this deal better... if you have any or all of the following coupons you can use them to bring your total to as low as $8.44 for all 5 items.

- $1.00 off Gain Detergent/Fabric Softener (PG insert from 5/1 Sunday paper)

- $1.00 off Gain detergent (PG $110 coupon booklet)

- $.55 off Shout product (Smart Source coupon insert from 5/15 Sunday paper)

For my transaction, I had two 5/1 PG inserts and the coupon booklet so I had (3) $1.00 off Gain coupons to use on each Gain item listed in the deal. I also had the Shout coupon... So I went this morning and got the deal and paid $8.44 + tax for everything. EVEN WITHOUT ALL THE COUPONS, IT'S STILL A GREAT DEAL, considering that same bottle of Gain detergent is $8.99 alone at Wal-Mart.

Not bad, my friends, not bad!!!

For more Winn-Dixie weekly deals, check out the list at Coupon Chix.

Be blessed.

on 'keeping house'

2011-06-09T08:34:00.001-05:00

1. My house is clean. I haven't left the house since Sunday. But my house is clean. All the laundry is done. Wow. I will bask in this feeling for the entire 2 hours that it lasts. It is such a rare occurrence, that I had to blog about it. It's funny, every time my house is clean, I promise myself that I'll never let it get messy again. Oh, but then life happens, right?!? One day at a time.

2. I admit it. I do not like to clean. It does not and probably will never come natural to me. So I am all the time trying to figure out a way just to keep a 'straightened up' house. Hey it's better than nothing. But after talking with a friend, I think we discovered the key to having a clean house. It's fool-proof. Works every time. Guaranteed. (I sound like an infomercial) You ready for this? If you want to keep a clean house, all you need to do is.... invite guests over at least 3 times a week. Oh yeah. You know I'm right. There is nothing like the adrenaline rush you get approximately 5 hours before guests are supposed to arrive. I suddenly go into straight Martha Stewart mode (even hubby does too) and out of nowhere I'm a cleaning machine. And when it's all said and done, I look around and say to myself "Now why can't I do this all the time, this is amazing!" Our guests arrive, admire the vacuum lines and then I shrivel in guilt at the thought of them thinking that I live like this all the time.... nope. wishful thinking. ***I suppose I must add the disclaimer: somehow the bedroom always misses the cleaning list when guests are coming. It becomes the storage ground for all things we don't feel like finding a place for. As long as all things random can go in the bedroom and we can at least get the door shut - then whew, we're safe. Bring on the company!*** Oh, come on! You do it too. :)

3. My son is 2 1/2... is that too young to assign chores? Chores are a beautiful thing. I can say that now. They weren't beautiful when I was young, but they are now! Funny how a little age and a lot of perspective changes things. I must figure out a way to teach my child(ren) to enjoy chores. Must.

4. Why do I have so many throws? Who needs that many average-yet-awkwardly sized blankets just lying around? Somehow a throw that is on sale will just gravitate toward me at any given store. And for some reason, I feel like I must get it. They even sell throws at gas stations?!? And yes, I've bought one there. Well - it was for a road trip - but still. I have this certain linen closet that contains an over-abundance of random colored throws. I should have a yard sale just to get rid of some of them - it's ridiculous really. And I have 2 snuggies. Wow.

5. I know this post was completely random, but you should at least be thankful that I shared my ultimate house cleaning tip with you. Now, share yours... what do you do (or attempt to do) to keep a tidy house consistently?

6. Oh, and click HERE for my post about a GREAT laundry deal!!!

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Prov 31:27

(Side note: I'd like to meet this virtuous woman when I get to heaven, I bet she had the best tips. In the mean time, I just remind myself that I'm a work in progress... hey I have learned to 'laugh at the days to come'.)

Be blessed.

Blueberry Streusel Muffins

2011-06-06T22:34:00.003-05:00

We made another trip yesterday to pick some more blueberries with my parents. We had so much fun! I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to do something amazing with the berries that we've gathered over the past couple weeks. And today, it came to me!

{Blueberry Streusel Muffins}

I'm sure you're wondering why I added the word 'streusel' in there... instead of just making plain ol' blueberry muffins. Well, you see, the answer is simple - in my opinion, eating muffins without a streusel topping is like eating cupcakes with no frosting - NO FUN AT ALL!!!

So, once I got my hands on what I thought was the best recipe out there, I began the blueberry cooking bonanza in my kitchen this afternoon. They turned out beautifully and they tasted as good as they looked. This recipe is worth printing and tucking away. Definitely a keeper!

Enjoy.

Blueberry Streusel Muffin Recipe

Muffin Ingredients

2 c. all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 stick unsalted butter - softened

1 c. sugar

2 large eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla

1/2 c. whole milk

2 c. blueberries (fresh or frozen)

Streusel Topping Ingredients

4 Tablespoons sugar

1 Tablespoon flour

2 teaspoons vegetable oil

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, and line muffin tin with paper liners or lightly grease tin with cooking spray.

Prepare streusel topping by whisking together sugar and flour. Add oil and mix together until topping has a sandy texture. Set aside.

In small bowl, whisk flour and baking powder together and set aside.

In a large bowl or standing mixer, beat butter and sugar

until light and fluffy.

Add eggs, vanilla & milk.

Add salt and flour mixture and stir until just combined.

Fold in blueberries (do not over stir)

Divide batter evenly into 12 muffin cups. Sprinkle muffins with streusel topping, and place in oven.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until a toothpick

inserted comes out clean.

When muffins are done, remove from oven and allow them to

cool for a few minutes.

Transfer muffins to a wire rack to cool completely.

Take a second to admire how beautiful they are - and then -

ENJOY. EVERY. SINGLE. BITE. MMMM!

Tips:
- gather and measure ingredients before mixing...makes the preparation a breeze!
- roll the blueberries in flour to keep them from sinking to the bottom of the batter.
- Do NOT forget the streusel topping!!!! :)
- use muffin liners for easy clean up.

Be blessed.