It's 4:00am. I should be asleep. Or at least trying to. Or tossing back and back forth from my left side to the right because neither are really that comfortable right now.
But I'm wide awake, sitting on the couch while the rest of my family sleeps.
Because really - if you don't know by now - life doesn't go as planned. Hardly ever.
It's been a rough week - and before I even had a chance to blog about the start of it - we were thrown a huge curve ball yesterday that changes everything.
Let me start with Monday - and just know that it was a very off day. I didn't feel right, and was very exhausted, anxious and just not myself. Which led me to check my blood pressure. 157/98. Not good for a pregnant gal. Over the course of the night - it got higher which led to stress - which then led to contractions - which then landed us in the labor and delivery triage. We were sent home a couple hours later after my blood pressure came down and the contractions stopped.
I was told I needed to complete a 24 hour urine collection so that they could check my levels for preeclampsia. I did that yesterday - fulling thinking that worst case scenario I would probably end up on some sort of bed rest for the rest of this pregnancy.
Fast forward to last night's phone call... Nurse says that several levels came back high - and that combined with the high blood pressure was concerning and that I needed to come in the next day for an ultrasound, stress test & another blood pressure check. OK. that's fine. I can do that. Right?
Well fast forward another 30 minutes and my phone rang again. The nurse called back with words I wouldn't have expected in a million years. "Christy, Dr S. looked over everything again in more detail - and we need you to come in tonight to have this baby."
I lost it. Started crying hysterically - telling her I couldn't do that - it was too early - Jude was not ready. I am not ready. I pleaded with her - asking her if there was anything ANYTHING we could do to hold off. She didn't seem hopeful - but checked with the Dr. again and he agreed to let me stay home through the night as long as I stayed in bed. But that the next morning we would go over everything.
Which brings me to now... unable to sleep, left to a million thoughts in my head of how I am so not ready for this. I am trying to prepare myself for the reality that a 34 week delivery is probably imminent - and I cannot tell you how much peace I need right now.
I was supposed to work on Christmas crafts tonight. I had my shopping list ready to make english toffee. The nursery isn't ready. I haven't washed the first baby item, or packed the first bag - and I've never even considered time spent in the NICU with my baby. Induction was NOT on my to do list this time around.
I'm trying to pinpoint what went wrong - and what I could have done differently. Preeclampsia is apparently very serious - and apparently my body has taken it from a mild case to serious in less than a week.
There is so much more to say - but I don't want to give any more thoughts to the fears and the unknowns - because I know of an enemy who would love for me to reside there.
So I'm clinging desperately to a Prince of Peace - who has carried me this far. Who has formed this miracle - and will guide us the rest of the way - even if it's not how I planned.
Please pray for us. Pray for my body to regulate. Pray that tomorrow we are at peace with whatever option is the MOST HEALTHY option for me & for Jude.
I will update as I can.